


Lives ~ Youngmin’s Pov

by Myfavotps



Category: MXM (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dongpaca, Drama & Romance, Fantasy, M/M, YoungDong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:59:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16540292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myfavotps/pseuds/Myfavotps
Summary: Maybe we can’t live forever, but we can love forever. What does it mean? You’ll get to know if you read my story.





	1. What’s wrong with Kim Donghyun?!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everone! I came back and brought you a new fanfic about our lovely YoungDong couple. This is a fantasy story with deep meaning. It based on real events so I wrote down the reference at the end of the chapters. Some kdrama also inspired me. Which ones were they, that find out ;)  
> I hope you’ll enjoy reading it. I would be happy if you wrote me a comment. They really motivate me without them I don't feel like writing :( English isn't my first language so please be patient with me if I made some grammar mistakes.  
> P.S.: I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, because I love everybody :) It’s just a fanfic.

  
          „I want to be a solo artist. I won’t be in the new group.” He just said simply as if he would have told me to eat chicken for dinner. I don’t know why it makes me so sad. Our contract will end on 31 December and MXM will disband so he can be free again and he has the right to do what he wants....but still.....„That’s good.....I’m sure you’ll be a successful singer.” I said with a forced smile then just stared through the car window. I didn’t want to show him how confused I was, but in myself: „What’s wrong with Kim Donghyun?” I asked and still keep asking again and again, but I can’t find an answer to my question.

            It’s good that Hanhae hyung is always there, if I have a problem. I can tell him anything and I know he won’t judge me. He’s like a real elder brother for me. So I talked to him about the issue. „Maybe he doesn’t want to live in your shadow anymore. We all know you’re more popular than him.....or....” Hanhae hyung stopped. „Or.....what? What are you thinking about, hyung?” I asked curiously. „Or he wants to be Kim Secretary.” He said with a serious expression on his face. „Sorry hyung, but it’s a ridiculous idea.” I burst out laughing. „No...No...just think about it....maybe he wants you to stop him like in that drama.” Hyung ratiocinated. „So you say.....he loves me?!” I asked laughing. „Well who knows...he always looks at you like you were a real God. His eyes sparks. But I don’t know that’s only admiration or love.” He said rubbing his chin. „Well if you’re right then why is he so mean to me? He hits me almost every day. Once he kicked me so hard. Can it be a strange way to show his feelings for me?” I asked and I really waited for his answer with curiosity, even though I knew he couldn’t give me a good advice without hearing the full story. Despite I trust him, there are things I’m still not able to tell him.

             For example what happened that day about a month ago. We were at the hotel in Malaysia. We just had finished our vlive and Donghyun and I played, that is to say he nagged at me: „You are totally a Bbangmin!!!” He shouted poking my side with his fingers playfully. „Ahhh.....I am not!!!....Now I’ll show you the real God Zero.” I grabbed his hands and pinned them by his head on the sofa, but I put a little too much strength into my move and I fell onto him.....and it was just an accident....I say again it was only an unfortunate accident that our lips met. We paralyzed and only stared into each other’s eyes for some seconds then his eyes became darker and I got my punishment....He hit my dick with his knee. „Ahhh...” I whined storking my sore balls. „I said if you kiss me, I’ll give you a head-butt right away, but I mustn’t do that so you got my Special Alpaca Deep Kick.” He said with a smug look on his face. „Be thankful! I protected your forehead.” He added smirking. „Oh...Thank you very much. I say thank you on behalf of my future kids, too.” I said still rubbing my aching spot. „Don't dramatize! Let me see it!” He leant closer to my crotch and looked at it with curious eyes then he grabbed my hands on my dick. Maybe he did it without thinking, because after he realized how awkward the situation was he became shy. He seemed so cute with his red ears. „Don’t worry......you’ll survive.” He said with forced confidence. So our little accident ended like this. I think he would kill me if I kissed him again or worse he would break my balls. How would he be in love with me? It’s ridiculous.

              „Okay...I give up...I’m not a psychologist. Go and talk with him. It’s the simplest way.” Hanhae hyung said patting my back. „No...I don’t want it.....He is a grown-up man now, if he wants to leave, then I’ll let him go.” I stated firmly, but the truth is I’m so confused. Somehow deep down there’s a feeling I can’t describe, like something tugs at my heartstrings. Now I’m lying in my bed thinking how my life will be when various plush toys and clothes won’t fall into my face or when I won’t hear as he talks in his dreams. „Sangook....hyung...” He whispers. Nooo...again???...He dreams with that guy again. Who the fuck is that Sangook hyung? Nowadays he dreams about him more often. Maybe he watched this friend in a drama. He may write a song about him. „Auuu...” A plush squirrel lands on my face. Yeah I’ll definitely miss this!!! I scream inside and floor that ugly toy. I turn towards the wall. I don’t want to think anymore. I just want to sleep.

♡

                    Wait.....Where am I right now? It must be a dream, but it feels so real. Everything is so blurred as if I were in thick fog, I only hear voices. „Do you would like a cup of coffee?” Someone asks. His voice sounds familiar, but I can’t tell who he is. Okay...let’s just go with this dream. „Come into my office.” I tell him and he follows me. „I’ve already told you to speak in Japanese. Don’t forget where we are.” I scold him. „Of course, we can talk Korean between you and me, but not here.” Words come so naturally. „I know Boss, I’ll be more careful in the future.” He says politely. „You know the coffee-....” I starts. „Youngmin hyung!!!!” Ohhh not now....I want to stay here. „Youngmin hyung!!!!” Wait...it’s him. He shooks my shoulder. I open my eyes and Donghyun looks down at me with his beautiful angry eyes. „I want...coffee.” I tell him. „I’m not your secretary. I won’t give you coffee. Stop dreaming!!!” He says and stands up. „Do you wait for the clap, Hyung? You have half an hour to get ready.” He tells me and I can’t believe that it’s already morning. It feels like I slept only a little. „Why didn’t you start with this?” I jump out off my bed immediately, but I already know I’ll be late and he’ll wait for me by the door looking at his watch while shooting killer looks at me with those pretty angry eyes. Sometimes I wish he would wait for me in the car, because I can’t concentrate for my morning ritual. Suddenly a thought hit me right in the feels: What will it be if he isn’t there anymore? Somehow I feel strange. I grab my chest....it hurts.... „Hyung....what are you doing? There isn’t time for daydreaming now.” Donghyun’s voice.....I won’t hear it anymore.....No...no....he won’t die. We can still meet occasionally and call each other. This calms me down. I slap my cheeks with both of my palms to wake myself up. Let’s start the day!


	2. Mystical Locket

  
            Today I’m in Children’s Grand Park (Seoul) with Donghyun. We’ll shoot our X FILE here. Now we came together to look around before the real shooting on the next week. It was DongDong’s idea and you know I can’t reject him if he shows aegyo to me. He even talked with our manager to take us here.

          I wasn’t in an amusement park since that day. The day that changed my thinking about life. Memories rush through my brain. I was in the theme park where my father used to sell bungeo-ppang (fish-shaped bread) so I knew that place just like my palm. Once I noticed a crying little girl. I looked at her for a while. She was alone. I usually don’t talk to strangers, but I felt sorry for her. She was so little. „Ya..ya..ya” I patted her shoulder. „You’ve lost your parents, aren’t you?” I asked her with a soft voice. She looked up at me like the kitten in Shrek (I like that animated movie so much.) „Hmmm....” She nodded and tears still flowed down her pretty cheeks. „Don’t worry. Oppa will help you to find them. Just stay by my side.” I told her and she grabbed my hand immediately so like that we started to look for her parents. After we walked for a while and we still didn’t see her mum, she began sobbing again. „How old are you?” I tried to talk with her hoping she would stop crying, but she didn’t and only showed her four fingers. „Ohhh....so you’re 4 years old.” I found out, she just nodded. I sat on my heels and held both of her hands on my palms. „Look if you stop crying, I’ll give you a gift.....Tell me what do you want?” I asked and her face brightened. She was so charming when she smiled. „I would like that toy car.....Look...look it’s so cool.” She shouted enthusiastically pointed at a blue car in the booth. I thought it was odd because which girl wants a car instead of a doll, but I wanted to cheer her up. Despite my intention that car was too expensive so my pocket money wasn't enough. At the end I got an alpaca keyholder for her. „Look!” I hung it on my finger. „This little friend will take care of you. If you're afraid of something, just grab it and you’ll become brave.” I told her smiling. „I like it more than the car, because it’s similar to you.” She said staring at that tiny plush alpaca, then she looked up at me laughing. She was so cute then. My heart skipped a beat........ „It’s You. Now I’m sure.....I promised to be a girl ....” She whispered looking down guilty. „Well I don’t know what are you talking about, but I can tell you one thing. You’re the prettiest little lady, I’ve ever seen.” I told her patting her short hair. „Then....Oppa! Will you marry me one day?” She asked with a big smile on her face. „....I will...I promise...” I fibbed crossing my fingers behind my back. „Ohhhh...Dearie...Finally I’ve found you!” Suddenly a woman ran to us. „Where did you wander again? I almost called the police. I don’t know how many times I told you not to do this. Mum always worries so much because of you.” She said and hugged her daughter. „I promise mummy I won’t do it again.....Look! He’s my friend. He took care of me.” She pointed at me. „Ohhh...thank you so much for helping. You’re a very nice boy....What’s your name, Dear?” She asked. „Lim Youngmin.” I faltered. „Where are your parents?” She looked around. „They aren’t here. I’m with my father. He works here. I know this place well. Don’t worry.” I replied. „Ohh..that’s good. Then..thanks again, Youngminie. We have to go now. Have a nice day! Say Goodbye, Dear.” She told her daughter. „I’ll never forget you, oppa. It’s not a goodbye forever. We’ll meet again....It’s yours. Bye!” She said and put something into my palm. It was a locket on a chain. It seemed so old. „I can’t receive it...It’s too expensive.” I said but when I glanced up, I couldn’t see her. I looked around and noticed her red dress in the crowd. She was already far away. I ran after her, but she got on a bus. „What’s your name?!” I shouted to her as loud as I could. „Kim ...... Hyun.” She answered. I know I heard well, but I can’t remember her name exactly, probably because of the shock that I lived through that day. Despite I forgot her name she was who gave me hope and comfort. That day I found my dead grandfather in the toilette at home. He hanged himself with his tie. You may ask now why did he do that? In his suicide note he told us the truth. He had cancer and he didn’t want us to care him. I thought how ironic he was a strong man who fighted in Korean War, but he still let an illness beat him. I was only seven years old then and saw something that children shouldn’t see. Until that day I didn’t understand what death really means. I had to face the fact that our life will end one day and it’s over forever. I cried a lot but when I looked at that locket that I got from that little girl, I always felt better. There was an old blurry photo of a young man in it. Despite his eyes seemed sad, his smile was so beautiful that was similar to that girl’s smile. Maybe he was her grandfather or her near relation. I don’t know why but I always felt strange calmness when I looked at that photo. I thought a lot about what kind of life he lived. What was his job? He wore a suit. Maybe he worked in an office, but he was too handsome to be a simple clerk. Maybe he was a musician. I could imagine him with a guitar. There wasn’t a lot ornaments on the locket there were only two intertwining initials on the front: H.Y. and this writing inside: Till we die and after. It had to be its pair somewhere. What did they mean by „after”? I thought of maybe death wasn’t the end of everything and it gave me hope.

             „Hyung!” Donghyun’s voice calls me back to reality. KIM DONGHYUN!!!! He knows nothing about life and death. I’m sure at this moment he’s thinking about food again. „Hyung! Will you buy me a hamburger?” He asks doing aegyo. Yes, I was right. For this kid entering in a theme park is equal to eat something. He clings to me. He’s too cuddly again so I have to sweep him away. You know I need to protect my God Zero image, but he doesn’t care and grabs my arm again. Sometimes I feel the more I push him away the better he sticks with me. „Hyung, you have to feed me if you want me to work well.” He tells me and points at his opened mouth. „ Give me food!.....Please...” He adds. „Okay...okay but promise me after you eat, you’ll work hard. We have to find out what we’ll shoot next week.” I say. „I will, Boss.” He answers happily. Why does this situation feel so familiar?

            What is this?.....Suddenly I notice something glints in the sun on a street vendor’s table. I feel I have to go there. „Hyung, where are you going?!” I hear DongDong’s voice, but that something attracts me like a magnet. I can’t resist it. It seems the same antique silver locket that I had since my childhood but on this the intertwining initials say: N.S. „It’s pretty, isn’t it? You can try it on.” The seller lady tells me. I nod, but when I want to take Donghyun grabs it before me. „Let’s try this on me, hyung.....please....” He asks me with his puppy eyes. „Okay...” I say and he puts into my palms. What is this feeling? Dongdong turns and shows his back to me. My hands wander from his shoulders to his slim neck. I put the chain around his neck and clasp it. „Does it look good on me, hyung?” He asks me turning towards me and I can’t deny it looks perfectly perfect on him as if it was made for him. I touch the locket. „Yes...because it’s yours...” I tell him smiling. I don’t know why I said this. Suddenly I notice as the clock hands of my watch go backwards fastly then large brightness comes out of the locket. The light is so bright, I had to close my eyes, but it’s still so blinding so I cover my face with my hands. Once the light fades out and I hear a trot song in my ears...it sounds little rasping like it was played by an old record player: „The world which made of tears, is it going to end if I die?” ● I smell cigarettes smoke. I open my eyes slowly. It looks like a retro motel room. A man stands before me. He wears suit. In front of him there’s a desk on which papers lie. Maybe he wrote something. The vision is foggy so I can’t see everything clearly. It’s similar to my dream. „Why do you always listen to this old song?...Now it’s 1939. You should find some new songs.” It comes from my mouth as if my body and my brain work separately. „Hyung....have you ever thought about dying for somebody?” That man asks me. His voice sounds familiar. Who.....is he? I can’t hear clearly...It sound like an old film. „Why do you ask me such things?” I react automatically. I don’t know what happens here, but it seems he needs help. „Do you know the woman who sang this song committed suicide together with her lover, because they weren’t able to live without each other?” He asks. „I know.” I reply putting my cigarette down onto an ashtray. -Well it seems I smoke here.- „But why do you ask such questions of me tonight? Did something happen?” I ask and backhug him. Somehow it feels so good. „Just you know....I always thought I would never love somebody as much as I would die for him.....but now....I understand what she could feel....” He says leaning to me. „I would also die for you, Youngsooya.” I tell him and take something out of my pocket. As I put around his neck I see it’s the same locket that I gave to Donghyun some minutes ago. „It’s yours, but from now on you mustn't die without my permission. It’s a command, okay.” I tell him and embrace him tighter than before. „I promise, Boss.” He answers. „Does it look good on me, hyung?” He asks and starts turning towards me.... „Hyung!...Hyung!....Are you alright?” It’s Donghyun’s voice. „Hyung!” Why does he always bother me in the most interesting moments? The picture fades away suddenly and I glance at DongDong’s face as he gazes at me. „Wow” He is too close. I push him away. „What are you doing?” I shout at him. „It’s me who should ask this question. Your daydreaming is so serious. You should visit a doctor.” He tells me then turns from me and walks away. „Young man...” The seller lady calls me. „ Ohhh....sorry...I don’t know what happened with him. I’ll pay that locket. How much is it?” I take my wallet, but all of sudden the old woman grabs my hand. „Nothing....It was returned to its rightful owner. But be careful! It can be dangerous when the past and the present mingle.” She whispers looking into my eyes deeply. „What do you mean by past and present?” I ask. I don’t understand anything. „You have to answer this question yourself.” She tells me then packs his goods and goes away. I just stand here and don’t know what to do. I see as she walks with a halt slowly and I notice she wears a gold pin in her long gray hair. In the past she had to have so beautiful black hair. But why I feel strangely sad, as if I forgot something important......

              I need to find Donghyun. As I walk here it feels like I’ve been here already.......I just go where my feet take me without thinking. Once I find myself in a park. There’s a huge tree standing alone on a small hill. It looks lonely. Suddenly I notice someone under the foliage. It’s Donghyun....I can identify him by his clothes. He’s sitting on the ground and as I go closer I see he stares at that locket. Somehow he looks so breathtaking beautiful in my eyes now, as the green tree and blue sky surround him. The wind blows his hair softly. It all looks like a painting where he’s in the center. I go closer. „You know you had just stolen that.” I tells him pointing at the locket. „No...you said it was mine.” He says and grips it as if I wanted to take it from him. „I just would like to look into it. I think I have its pair at home.” I tells him walking closer to him. „Did you cry?” I ask when I notice small tears around his eyes. „Why would have I cried? Just the wind blew sand into my eyes, I rubbed them and now my damn contact lenses moved. That’s all. Anyway it's not your business.” He replies wiping away his tears. It isn't what he says but the way he says it that makes me mad. „Kim Donghyun, you’re so disrespectful towards me nowadays. Despite you won’t be in the new group, you’re still my dongsaeng.” I tell him. He speaks informal to me too much nowadays. „Yes, I know well....I’m your dongsaeng only!” He shouts at me then he jumps onto his feet and wants to go away, but I stop him grabbing his arm. „Where are you going?!” I ask and can’t help using my satoori. It always comes when I’m angry. „I have to remove my lenses. Will you let me do it, HYUNG?” He tells me in the most respectful way as he can. He even casts down his eyes. I let him go without a word. I don’t really know how I can react to it. Well maybe I was too harsh to him, but still what’s wrong with him?

Reference:  
● Yoon Simdeok~ Hymn of Death (1926)  
[Lyrics translation](http://alcoholism.egloos.com/3800587)  
[Original Korea song](http://youtu.be/lG4LolklcbQ)  
[Original melody: Iosif Ivanovivi – Donauwellen Walzer ](http://youtu.be/Ht30HqwXoxA)  
[Renewed version ](http://youtu.be/1RlDZKu62Co)~ Love, lies ost  (11:08)


	3. Memories

  
             I don’t know what’s wrong with DongDongie nowadays. Since our last „date” in the amusement park he became so strange. In the daytime he aways gazing at that locket as if he was bewitched by that thing and nights he calls that Sangook guy again and again. Last night I had to cover my ears with a pillow to be able to sleep because he was so loud. It seems tonight it’ll be the same. At first I thought he had to be stressful because of the next comeback, but now I don’t know anymore. He’s more sensitive than he used to be. Yesterday he really scared me. He came to me and asked: „Hyung, would you miss me if I disappeared one day?” How could he ask such things from me? „Of course, I would miss you, but you mustn’t disappear. This is a command as the leader of MXM.” I told him and that remembered me to that vision. At that moment I understood exactly what that man, whose body I was in, could feel. I also wanted to hug Donghyun then, but I wasn’t able to do it instead I told him: „If you worried because of we lose contact, don’t do it, I’ll call you a lot and we can still meet if you need me. I’ll be your Alpaca hyung in the future too.” He seemed calmer after this talk. Now he sleeps quieter than before. I only hear some soft moans and words: „Sangook hyung....I’m...sorry...” All of sudden I notice something falls onto the floor. I take into my hand. It’s that locket. Finally I can also see what is inside it and what Donghyun hides. I open it slowly. Now that vision doesn’t come, only a young man gazes at me from an old photo. It’s so dark here. I go into the bathroom and turn on the light......„What is it?” I can’t believe my eyes. It’s me...that is to say he’s so similar to me, but he wears so old fashioned clothes and he has a slicked back hairstyle. I had never worn such hair before because I hate my big forehead. I look at the writing on it. It says the same as the other locket: „Till we die and after.” Only the monogram is different: „N.S.....can it be......” Suddenly I see that light again. It starts again. „My name is Nam Sang Ook and yours?” I ask holding out my hand towards somebody. „I’m Han Young Soo.” He says and grabs my hand. It’s him....It’s Donghyun.....How can he be here? He seems younger as the time we first met, but he’s thinner and he looks dirty. I never saw him like this. I look down and I saw blood on his clothes. The vision fade away suddenly and a new one starts.

              I walk on the street....I want to buy something....yes I want to get an armwatch...I don’t know why I just know it. ”Ahhh” I hear whimper. I turn my head and in that dark alley...I catch sight of a young boy who leans toward and seems sick. From his height and figure I think he isn’t older than 17 years. I go closer to him....I don’t know why I just want to help him. When I reach him...I see there’s a large red spot on his white hanbok. He has a wound on his side, that is bleeding. I doesn’t ask anything...just press my handkerchief on his wound to reduce bleeding. „Come on! I know someone who can help you.” I give him my long coat to cover his injury then put his arm around my neck and make him walk with me. „He drank too much. There’re people who don’t know the extent.” I say laughing when we meet a couple who see us suspiciously. The picture fades away and I’m in 2018 again. „What was it?” The only thing I can think that I have to find the other locket. „Where is it? I know I put here somewhere.” I talk to myself. „Ah..It’s here!” Somehow I’m afraid of opening it. I put it into a box a long time ago. It remembered me to my saddest time in my life, the day my grandfather died. I take a deep breath then open it and here it is DongDongie. He still has the same smile. „Give me back my necklace!” It’s Donghyun. He looks down at me as I sit on the floor. He seems irritated. „They’re us...” I tell him and he looks surprised, but then his expression changes sad. „It doesn’t matter anymore.....You can keep them.” He says resignedly. „Why?” I ask him, but he doesn’t answer just shows his back to me. „Hyung, let’s end the past....I can’t live like this ....” He says calmly. „I’m tired...” He adds smiling over his shoulder then he climbs up to his top bunk and lies down. What if I didn’t want to end it, Donghyuna? I want to recollect every forgotten moment.

♡

          After that night DongDong became apathetic, he didn’t play with our dancers. He just sat and stared through the window, but he made me worried the most when he started to eat less, even his favourite chicken didn’t make him excited. He seemed like he was waiting for something. The only thing that made him happy was when Daehwi came to record our „Hoping that you would love me” song. I was also glad. I don’t feel the age gap between us. He’s like a friend for me, who is mature and ambitious. In the break of the recording I had a chance to talk with him. I had a question that I really wanted to ask of him. „Daehwiya.....Do you believe in reincarnation?” I asked hesitantly. „I don’t know why are you asking me about this thing all of sudden hyung, but I can tell you one thing I think we all met in our past life. You know Donghyun hyung and I have a special relationship and I’m sure it comes from that times. I have strange dreams about him a lot.” He said so easily as if he talked about his breakfast that day. „I have visions about him.” I told him and he smiled at me. „Ahhh...Those aren’t visions, hyung but memories......memories that you and he shared.” He scolded me. „Okay...okay...so how much do you know about us, Daehwiya?” I asked curiously. „Not as much as I want.” He smirked at me. „I only saw dreams of missing him and once I had a dream where you and I met and I cried. That’s all.” He said and his expression became sad. „I just have a feeling that something bad happened. Maybe we got a new chance to change it in this life.” He added. His words make me worry. What if that’s all about Donghyun?....What if he is in danger? But what can I do when I remember only some things and despite I’m sure he knows more than us, he would never ask for our help.

                Now we’re on the plane to Japan and he’s sleeping next to me. As I stare at him I can only think of one thing. Even if I die, I’ll protect him, because he’s so precious to me.....my dongsaeng. „Sangook hyung...” So he dreams about him again, but why is he always so desperate. I smile sadly grabbing his hand. „I want to make you happy, Youngsooya....” I whisper into his ear. He tightens my hand then he calms down slowly and sleeps peacefully.

♡

                After we arrived in Japan, we went to shopping and we were separated for about a half an hour. I went in a store and he took a walk with the staff members. I thought our manager would protect him, but when I came out of the shop I saw something that scared me. An old man grabbed Donghyun’s hand, that was still okay, but what I saw after that it wasn’t okay at all. I don’t know why I just felt that man behaved suspiciously so I followed him. He stopped at a dark alley and well....he smelled his hand then jacked himself off. He was disgusting so I let him there.

                Now in our vlive Donghyun talks about how cute that man was, but I only think that incident in the alley. I force a laugh, I hope nobody notice that I only act. My Donghyunie is so naive, he has no idea what kind of feelings he can arouse in people. In the future I’ll watch fans more carefully mainly fanboys.


	4. Checkmate

  
           Where I am?.....Ahhh....It must be a dream again. I’m in that retro flat again, but now there’s a big difference that damn fog disappeared already. Despite the curtains were drawn, so I’m in semi-darkness now I still see everything clearer than before. It’s a quite large room, but there’re not many furnitures in it, only a wardrobe, a bookshelf with poetry books, a small, round dining table with two chair, an old, single bed, a desk with a record player and a guitar by the wall so it looks a little empty. I have to say Donghyun changed nothing, he still has similar taste. „Hmmm” Suddenly I notice movement on the bed. How didn’t I see before that Donghyun, that is too say, Youngsoo sleeps in the bed....What the fuck?!....I just realize that I’m totally naked and despite my will, my body moves again. I walk to the bed, lift up the blanket and I see that he’s also naked. He lies on his stomach and I have to admit he looks so sexy from this angle. The shape of his neck, back and butt are just like a piece of art and his skin looks so smooth too. The only thing that I don’t like on him are those pale scars on his back. I don’t know who hurted him, but I’m sure he suffered a lot...........I don’t know what’s happening to my body. I just feel I desire him. I lie behind him and hug him tightly. It feels so good as our naked bodies meet. I kiss his neck. „Hmmm....Sangook hyung.....You did it very quickly.” He says sleepily. „I wanted to ...spend your day off ...with you. The office is so.....boring...without you.” I tell him giving small kisses on his neck and shoulder. „Ahhh....you want to do it again...” He says with a weariful sigh. „No...I don’t want...” I shake my head. „Then why are you hard again?” He asks rubbing his butt against my dick. Wow he’s more hotter than I thought. „I have an idea, hyung.” He says turning towards me. His face is only few centimeters away from my head. His dark eyes gazes at me as if they read my mind. I can’t find words...but it seems Sangook hyung knows what to say and do: „What do you want to play again, Baby?” „Check!” Youngsooya shouts enthusiastically then he jumps out of bed right away. He draws the curtains apart, goes to the desk, takes a chessboard out of the drawer and puts it onto the table. I look at him lying. He sits down on the chair and stares at me. He’s still naked. I smirk at him. „Okay...” I say and get out of the bed then sit down in front of him. He starts to stand up his chess pieces one by one, I do the same. „If you win, I’ll do everything you want.” He says when we put up the last piece as well. „It’s sounds good, but what if you won.” I ask. „It’s a secret.” He tells me smiling. „Let’s start!” I say and give him a sign that he can step first. „Wait...I forgot something....” He jumps up and runs to the record player then a song starts.  
„Spring Lady  
Her heart is blooming  
Spring Lady  
The moon sets on her” ◇  
It’s Spring Lady by Lee Nanyoung sunbaenim. I know it because my grandmother listened to this song a lot when I was a child. „Finally a happy song! Your mood is so good today!” I shout laughing. „Now I only need something to drink.” I add. „I only have a bottle of soju.” He answers. „Wow...How old-fashioned you are. Nowadays young men drink wine or cocktail.” I nag him. „Maybe I’m really like you said, but you still go crazy because of this old-fashioned guy.” He says then puts the bottle in front of me looking into my eyes deeply. I swallow. „You’re right....Let’s start that game already. I want to win soon.” I tell him pouring some soju into a shot glass and hand it to him. He drinks it without turning his face to the side. He makes eye contact with me the whole time. „How shameless......” I whisper. We start the game. I’m the white and he’s the black. It surprise me that I can play check now. Donghyun tried to teach me but it was too difficult so I gave up. We take down the pieces one by one. Our eyes already fuck. I stroke my lips with my index finger and he touches his Adam’s apple. Does he want me to bite it like an apple? Suddenly I feel something odd between my thighs, I look at down and see as his foot rubs my dick. I glance at him, but he focuses on the chessboard. „What’s wrong, hyung?” He asks acting innocent. „Ohhh....you play so dirty. Do you want to win that much?” I ask smirking and he nods smiling. As I see the board I know I can win right away taking down his king, but I can’t do it, instead losing my game for him. Well it seems I always let him win, I’m not able to beat him. „Checkmate!!!” He shouts happily. „You got me now, Baby.” I tell him clapping. „Then tell me your wish.” I add. He stand up and sit on my lap. „I want.....to take some photos......together with you...... You know I have....a friend....who wants me to be his model, but why don’t we ask him.....to take some photos of us together?” He says playing on my chest, using his two fingers as little legs and walking with them. „Come with me, hyung.....please.” He’s too charming. How can I refuse him? „Is that all?” I ask curiously. „Ahmmm...” He nods. „Then tomorrow we’ll go to him.” I tell him and he looks extremly happy. Sometimes I think it’s so impressive how tiny things can make him glad. This kid didn’t change at all even though it passed 79 years.

          He stands up and walks to the record player then in the background I can hear Lee Nanyoung sunbaenim’s another song.  
„At the end of the smoke exhaled  
Fading memories of the past unfurls  
In the quiet teahouse  
When I drink coffee  
I begin to beckon”♤  
He lights a cigarette then starts dancing, that is to say, rocking his hip in a very sexy way, don’t forget he’s still naked. He looks so hot in the incoming sunlight as smoke surrounds around him. He seems to be enjoying himself because he even closes his eyes. I can’t take my eyes off him. If only this dream would last forever. Now he comes closer to me slowly then he climbs on my lap again, but now he sits in a more daring pose spreading his legs. He still rocks his hip so our dicks rub against each other. I grab his waist with my left hand while my another hand grips his nape. „Give it to me too.” I tell him then kiss him and inhale the smoke that comes out of his mouth. „Sang namja....I won..” He whispers. „You said.....if I won, you would do....everything to me....So what if I did you everything....you want all day. It’s an extra gift.” I say kissing his neck and collarbone. „Okay... I accept the deal.” He sighs. I don’t know why but I’m sure it means he’ll let me fuck him. Maybe this isn’t the first time we played something like this. He stands up, sweeps off the chessboard, the pieces fall onto the floor and roll away. He sits onto the table and grabs his half hard member then glances down and up sending me the sign to give him a blowjob. Well for me it’s the first time to do such thing, but it seems my body knows what to do. I lean foward and take it into my mouth. He leans back and rests his back on the table. I try to do my best, but no matter how I do, it doesn’t want to be harder. How can it be? I’m already on the edge of my tolerance. I would cum just by looking at him. What’s the problem? My body works on its own again. I starts licking his hole and he reacts so well. I slide in my middle finger slowly and as I move it he seems enjoying more and more. I feel as his member become harder in my other hand. I put in two more fingers and start sucking his dick. I feel his precum on my tongue. It seems I need to stimulate his prostate to make him cum. He squirms ruffling my hair with his hands. I know he’s close. Suddenly he pushes my head away then I can see his orgasms. He’s so beautiful as his muscles contract. I can’t help rubbing my dick. I’m so hard that it hurts already. Noticing my suffering he makes me sit down again then sits on my crotch and slides my dick inside his asshole. It’s so hot. I can’t help moaning. He kisses me and slowly starts moving. I stroke his back and kiss his neck. I feel he has large experience in these kind of things. Somehow I’m jealous. Who taught him? Did Sangook, that is to say, I did it or another man? I don’t have time to think anymore such things because I cum inside him suddenly.

            We need a little time until our hearts calm down. „Sorry...” I say noticing as my sperm flows down his legs when he stands up. „Don’t worry, hyung....Today I have a free day, but in the office you mustn’t do this, okay?” He smirks at me then leans foward and gives a peck on my lips. Wow he drives me crazy, I stand up and grab his waist then push him down onto the bed. I want to make love again and again. „Ahhh......” I shout. He kicks my dick with his knee again, that is to say, he hit me first in this time. „I already told you...not to climb on me....” He says with an expression that makes me worry. „When....when will you.....?” I ask. He sits up and turns away. „Sorry...Youngsooya....sorry... I was hot-brained.” I embrace him from behind. „What you give me is much more that I hoped.” I say but I don’t know what’s happening here exactly. „I only asked of you some small things.....” He says and I feel he shakes. „You’re right....I was careless...sorry...” I apologize kissing his shoulder. He moans and turns towards me. He makes me lie down then he sits on my hip. „You know I also desire you.” He whispers. „It’s okay, Baby...we’ll do everything as you want.” I say stroking his cheek. He closes his eyes and enjoys my touch. He holds my hand then kisses my palm. „I love....you...” He whispers. „HYUNG!!!!!!!......YOUNGMIN HYUNG!!!.......PACA!!!!!!” Noooooo.....how Donghyun always wants to wake me up in the best moments. I don’t want to go, but he shakes me so hard. When I open my eyes I notice he sits on my hip as well. His expression looks worried. „Huuu...finally...you woke up..” He heaves a sigh of relief. „Hyung.....I think you should really go to a doctor. I thounght you would never wake up.” He tells me. „So did you worry about me this much that you had to sit on me.” I ask smiling. „Ohhh...this is....well I didn’t know what to do...you didn’t take a breath.” He tells me. „So did you want to give me CPR?” I ask laughing. „Yes!!! You’re right.” He gabbles. „Well thanks but why do you still sit on me?” I look into his eyes deeply. He turns his head away and I see his ears are so red. DongDongie is so cute. It feels strange to be in this posture after my previous dream, but it still how to say....feels natural as if it should be like this. As if we belonged together.

            He wants to stand up, but I grab his thighs. „Can’t you stay still a little?” I ask and stroke his cheek without thinking, but his reaction surprises me. „I’m not him....I’m Kim Dong Hyun...He died already.” He says then stands up. I grip his wrist. „Yes they both died....but we live. We have to talk about this thing. Do you remember everyting?” I ask him. He look down at me with an expression I can’t describe. „We have to work...” He says then goes to the bathroom. I can’t understand him. Why does he behave like this?

Reference:  
◇ Lee Nanyoung ~ Spring Lady (1935)  
[Original song](http://youtu.be/saj4enIhC4M)  
[Renewed version](http://youtu.be/1RlDZKu62Co) ~ Love, lies ost (19:14)

  
♤ Lee NanYoung ~ Blue Dream of Tea House (1939)  
[Original song](http://youtu.be/aax54MLdOMQ)  
[Renewed version](http://youtu.be/yrW6gPq4WDI)  (3:30)


	5. Old Friends

             We’re in a restaurant now. We came here to spend a little time with our friends before our comeback. Yes....you think right it was Donghyun’s idea again. He missed these guys so much so he invited them to a dinner. He said he was going to pay for it, but I have doubts. I hope I won’t have to foot the bill. Here’re Daehwi, Woojin, Sewoon, Kwanghyun, Donghan and some old friends of us so we’re thirteen. It’ll be an expensive dinner, but it seems Donghyun doesn’t care about he’ll leave here a large part of his payment.

              Sitting around this long table, I feel so odd again as if this happened already. Nowadays I always have a strange feeling of déjà vu. „Hyung....I heard you wrote two songs together.” Kwanghyun asks suddenly. „Yes...we did it...I’ll whisper to you their titles if you promise you don’t tell anybody else. Now it’s still a secret.” I say smiling. He nods and leans closer to me. „It’s Checkmate and Without you.” I whisper into his ears. I catch Donghyun’s eyes, he seems jealous sitting in front of me. I smirk at him. „Hyung....How did you write it? What inspired you?” Kwanghyun asks curiously. „A dream.” I say still looking at DongDongie. Now he plays with his knife and tries to do as if he doesn’t pays attention to me, but I know he really cares of me. „Wow....that had to be so beautiful.....like our Dream.” He tells me staring at Donghyun and I know exactly what he’s thinking about. Donghyun is YDPP’s Dream. „Yes, it was beautiful.” I take pleasure in looking at DongDong. „Ouch!....” He cries out suddenly. I see as his index finger is bleeding. He had to cut himself with his knife. I want to help him, but Sewoon, who sits next to him, reacts quicker than me. He uses a tissue to press on the wound until bleeding stops, then he takes a small bottle out of his bag and cleans the cutting with it, then puts a colorful bandage on it. „You save my life again, hyung.” Donghyun tells Sewoon smiling. „Nothing at all.” He answers and I feel strange. The now familiar feeling comes. The 2018 world disappears in front of my eyes and I’m in 1939 again. „Please help me, Seungwooya...Here’s this boy. I think someone cut him.” I gabble holding Youngsoo in my arms, he fainted already. It’s the same day I had found him in that dark alley. „Again???...You bring another again. Maybe I should open a hospital.” That man tells me and when he turns towards me I recognize him right away. He’s Sewoon. „Ahhh...you know I’m only a medical student, hyung.” He says helping me lay Youngsoo onto a bed. „I know, but you’re the only one that can help him now. I don’t know who stabbed him. Maybe policemen look for him already. We can’t let them find him. Please help me just once again.” I whisper with praying hands. „Okay...okay, but he’s the last. If my parents get to know it, they’ll be the ones who give me into the Japanese’s hands.” He says smiling then takes his medical supplies out of the drawer. „Yeah...I’m sure they would do it, but you’re a nice friend as the meaning of your name. You can’t refuse to help me.” I wink at him. „Oh.....friends....I almost forget to introduce my dongsaeng. Jungsooya!!!....Come here!!!” He shouts and a minute later a boy appears at the door of the other room. I can’t believe my eyes. He’s our Kwanghyun. „He’s the little brother of my old friend. He asked me to help him here, because you know I’m a Seoul person.” Seungwoo says proudly with his strong satoori. I laugh at him. „Hello! I’m Nam Sang Ook.” I hold out my hand towards the new boy and he grabs it with his both hands happily. „I’m Lee Jung Soo. Nice to meet you.” He introduces himself then he goes back to the other room. „Can we trust him?” I ask Seungwoo quietly. „Don’t worry. He’s a nice kid and his elder brother is my friend. I know they’re our side. Maybe he can be our courier.” He says trying to take off Youngsoo’s clothes. „Let’s talk about it later.” I tell him and help him to bare the boy from the waist up. Finally he can examine his wound. „Will this kid survive it? He looks so young.” I ask worriedly. „Well...it’s an ugly injury, but I think it’s not life-threatening. Look....it’s barely bleeding already, but I have to suture it. In other cases I would worry because he’s insensible, you know as long as someone cries out she/he still lives, but now it can help us. If he’s lucky, he won’t wake up until the end...” He says taking a brown bottle out of a metal box, then pours a little onto a white clothe. „What if he wasn’t lucky enough?” I ask distrustfully. „Well then you come...and put this in front of his mouth and nose.” He says handing to me the clothe. „What is it?” I look at him blinking. „Diethyl ether...” He answers. „It helps him to stay unconscious....or do you want to hear his screams?” He adds noticing I don’t understand the thing. „Then why don’t we use it right away.” I ask. „Well...you know I’m still a medical student and overdose of diethyl ether can lead to respiratory paralysis.....” He replies. „He would go to heaven if I used too much.” He adds smiling. I swallow. „Okay let’s start!” He tells me enthusiastically as he pulls on a pair of rubber gloves.

              Suddenly the vision fades away and I’m sitting by the table again surrounded with good friends. I look at Donghyun as he talks to Sewoon laughing. Now I understand why he honors and likes him this much, because he saved him in his past life. So Sewoon was my friend, but there’s one thing I don’t understand exactly. Did we save people together or what? „Hyung sit here please....I want to take a photo of you and Donghyunie.” Donghan shouts to me from the oher side of the table. I smile at him and do as he requested. „Sit closer to Youngmin hyung!” He tries to push DongDong’s chair nearer to mine. „Now it’s perfect.....Smile!!!” He shouts to us but when he pushes the button on his phone, suddenly I see a blinding light. It must be the flash. I close my eyes and when I open them, I notice I’m back in 1939 again. „Are you alright?” Someone asks me. „Look JunHo! This hyung said I was an old-fashioned guy, but he’s the one who startles because of the flash. Hyung...it’s the new world.” Youngsooya laughs at me patting my shoulder. „Nooo...I’m not scared...I was just surprised.” I stutter. Fantastic! My God Zero image is in pieces again. „Yes, you’re right, Youngsooya. It’s a whole new world. You know it’s a Rolleiflex Automata Model 2. My father brought it to me from Germany.” A young man tells us. I want to look at him, but I still see lights because of the flash. He comes closer. „Are you alright?” He asks stroking my arm. Now I recognize him...he’s Donghan. Somehow he’s more handsome here than in 2018. He wears a striped suit. His appearance shows that he’s so rich. The price of his watch would be enough to my elder brother’s half-yearly rent. Somehow I feel envy. „Oh...your father was in Germany. I always wanted to go to Europe.” Youngsoo says. „Well...I tell you not to go there nowadays. Tension increases. My father said he wouldn’t be surprised if a new war broke out. But let’s not talk about it, we have our own problems here. Have you heard about Kongyu and Jungshin?” Junho asks. „No. What happened to them?” Youngsoo reacts right away. „Those bastards enlisted them in their army!” He whispers with clenched hands. „Oh nooo!!!!” Youngsoo cries out putting his hands in front of his mouth to quiet himself down. „They said they were going to defect. They won’t fight for Japaneses. „Where are they going to go?” I ask. „Well they don’t know exactly....maybe to the Soviet Union.” Junho says rubbing his chin. „I’m sure I’ll be the next....” Youngsoo whispers looking down. „I won't let it happen...They can’t take you away. You know my dad has connections.....” Junho tells Youngsoo grabbing his hand and wants to hug him, but „my lover in this time” pushes him away. Well I have to say this thing surprises me, because I know Donghyun loves skinship so much, he even cuddles up to our dancers, but it seems he and Youngsoo aren’t similart to each other in this case.....Wait he loves skinship....but he also kicked me when I was on top of him.....well maybe there’s still a little similarity. „Sorry...” I hear Junho’s voice. „No...I have to say sorry and thank to you....you’re a good friend.” Youngsoo says to him smiling. „Let’s not talk about sad things but continue taking photos!” He adds happily. „Can you take a photo of him alone?” I ask Junho and he nods. „I want this smile lasts forever.” I say. Junho takes his rollei and changes the flashbulb in the round holder, then puts it back onto the tripod. Youngsooya looks at me and even though he smiles, his eyes looks so sad just like on that photo inside of the locket. Now I understand why my lips told those words. It’s a smile that will last forever. So it was made on this day. The photo was taken by Junho and he changes the flashbulb again. „Hyung....come here!” Youngsoo waves to me. When I go next to him, he runs away playfully. „Now it’s your turn!” He shouts to me and I notice that bright light again. „Hyung...you made a really funny face!” Donghan laughs at me. It seems I’m in 2018 again. „Finally the food is here!” Woojin shouts happily. „Hyung...stay here next to Donghyunie. We’re here because of MXM after all.” Sewoon tells me letting me sit on his place. He goes to my place next to Kwanghyun. They start whispering to each other. After all their relationship is as old as mine with Donghyun.

               Everybody eat like they’ve never eaten anything. „Have you heard already?... According to superstition, if thirteen people sit around a table, one of them will die, just like Jesus after the last supper.” Woojin whispers spookily biting into a drumstick. „Hyung...do you believe in the old superstition, that number thirteen is unlucky?...You’re more childish than I thought.” Daehwi laughs at him hitting his arm. „Au!!!....Well....I read some really scary stories about it.” Woojin says sulkily. „Then who would be Jesus between us?” One of Donghyun’s friends asks narrowing his eyes. It seems he believes in it. „It’s Youngmin hyung, because he’s so kind. He’s like a saint.” Daehwi answers still laughing. „Ohhhh....I’ll be the one who will die!” I cup my face pretending to be scared, but I can’t help laughing when I see my dongsaengs’ reactions. They’re so cute. Only Donghyun’s expression that I can’t read, he eats his food without looking up, as if he didn’t hear us. „Youngmina...will you have a concert?” One of my favourite hyungs asks me changing the topic. We start talking about MXM 1st concert.

♡

                As good friends of Donghyun, these guys ate as much as they could without thinking of the bill. I’m the only one who worries. I still don’t know how Donghyun will pay it. Will he use his royalty? „Donghyuna....come closer!” I hear Inoo’s voice. He’s one of my old friends. The meaning of his name is nice and friendly and he’s really like this, but now he’s too friendly because of a lot of soju he drank. He hugs DongDong too tightly. I’m afraid he’ll squeeze him to death. Donghyunie lost weight nowadays and he became weaker as well. He isn’t a punch king anymore. He looks at me with desperate eyes. „You’re too cute.” Inoo shouts and wants to give a peck to him. DongDong shuts his eyes and turns his face away. His reaction is similar to Youngsooya’s. I don’t know where my strength comes from, but I push my friend away firmly and pull Donghyun close to myself.........and an accident happens again. Now his lips are on my cheek. I get ready to his hit, but it doesn’t come. He just pulls away and stares at me with tearful eyes. „According to the story, there was a Judas between them, who kissed Jesus.” I hear Woojin’s whispering. „Hyung.... your nose is bleeding.” Sewoon tells me. I put my hands in front of my nose. Donghyun seems paralyzed as if he saw blood first in his life. He didn’t react like this when he cut his finger. Daehwi gives me some tissues, I look down at my hands and.....all of sudden I hear a loud sound...everything is red....blood is everywhere.... „We have to go...come on!!!!.... Policemen will be here soon.” I hear Woojin’s voice crystal clear. I feel large pain in my chest. „Someone...Call an ambulance!!! Hyung!!!!....Hyung!!!!” I hear Donghyun’s screams and his warm arms around me. I can’t understand anything as if I were between two worlds...2018 and 1939. „Relax!...He just fainted....Don’t hold him that tight!” Sewoon tells DongDong and it seems he calms down slowly....now he strokes my hair and face. „Sorry...Sangook hyung..” I hear Donghyun....no Youngsoo’s voice. „Look! He’s waking up.” Sewoon says. When I open my eyes....there’re twelve people around me....twelve old friends. Despite I can’t remember everyting, I know we all met in 1939 and the most precious one is holding me in his arms at the moment. I feel I would die while he’s embracing me like this. „You’re ugly when you cry. Don’t worry! I won’t die because of a nosebleed.” I tell him softly and he smiles at me with sad eyes just like Youngsooya. I hope one day there will be happiness in those eyes again. „Look! You still don’t believe in supernatural.” Woojin says pointing at me. „There’s a ghost!!!” Daehwi cries out suddenly. „Where...Where?!” Woojin looks for it with frightened eyes. „Sorry...I think it was just a little smoke.” Daehwi says smiling. „There will be a real ghost here after I kill you.” Woojin shouts and starts chasing his naughty dongsaeng. Everybody laugh at them and start drinking and talking again. „Hyung...lie there a little.” Sewoon gives his order. „You can wipe away his blood with this.” He puts a white wet clothe into Donghyun’s hand just like he gave it to me back then. Now he takes care of me. He starts washing my face as he was told and I just enjoy feeling his touch.

                In the background I hear the radio: „Today during restoration of Seoul Children's Grand Park workers found some old pamphlets. They were written by Koreans under Japanese occupation. They’re about a resistance group. Their leader’s name was God Zero. They were like Robin Hood and his band, who robbed from Japaneses and gave it to Koreans. They had one rule: Don’t kill! I think we all want to know more about these brave men. Unfortunately we don’t have more information about them. Maybe there was a Marian for their leader or he was a lonely hero. Who knows, but one thing I’m sure there had to be a lot of girls who loved him.....” „I really want to be like him. At least we have the same nickname.” I say out loud my thought. „You just be a Bbangmin and live a long life.” Donghyun look down at me with mysterious eyes. „Your face isn’t as pale as before. Are you feel better, hyung?” Sewoon asks. „Yes, I’m fine now.” I reply smiling. „Then you can sit up. Your head is heavy.” DongDong tells me. „Some minutes ago you wept for me and now you want to kick me out of your lap. You’re mean!” I say with aegyo and he can’t help laughing. Our „little bloody dinner” ends like this.

Reference:

[History of general anesthesia ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_general_anesthesia)  
[About Diethyl ether](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diethyl_ether)  
[About Rolleiflex ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rolleiflex)


	6. Gold Hairpin

            Since our supper with our old friends Donghyun takes care of me so much. He even checks that I take breath when I sleep. Last Friday I got up and he was sleeping next to my bed kneeling. I went to the toilette, but he ran after me. „Are you alright, hyung?” He shouted to me knocking on the door. „Don’t tell me that you really belive in that stupid superstition. Now we’ll go together to the toilette too.” I told him when I opened the door. „I’m not afraid of anything, after all I’m a man.” He answered. „Then why do you squeeze that light stick?” I asked him pointed at our MXM stick that he held in his hands. „I just use as a flashlight.” He replied confidently. „Well okay....if you don’t afraid of anything than you can turn back.” I told him smirking. „Hyung! I can’t believe in ghosts.” He whined. „Who told it’s a ghost?...It’s worse....” I whispered into his ear. I think he understood what I told right away. He turned back slowly then he ran away as fast as he could. „Kill it....Kill it!!!” He signed a poor cockroach death warrant. After I obeyed his order, I went back to our room. He waited for me sitting cross legged on my bed. He really scared me as he held his light stick under his face, he seemed like a real ghost and even though I’m not afraid of ghosts I still don’t like them. „Did you execute it?” He asked seriously without moving. „Yes Sir... The mission is accomplished!” I saluted him. „Excellent.” He shouted smiling. „Now let’s sleep!” He gave his order. I thought we would go to our own places, but he lay on my bed. When I looked questioningly at him, he just said only this: „The floor is hard.”

              So since that night we sleep together. Despite my bed isn’t too narrow, it’s still too tight for two people. His head is on my chest and I can feel his warm breath on my skin. He hugs me with one of his arms and legs. He uses me as if I were his pillow. Maybe he thinks I’ll run away. Well I don’t tell it’s uncomfortable....I just don’t use to it that someone sleeps this close to me. „Sangook hyung...” Yeah he still talks in his dreams and he cries too. I can feel his tears on my chest. I start stroking his hair. It always calms him down. I can’t help thinking what could have happened in our past life. I didn’t have any visions since our „little bloody dinner”. I admit that was too much to me for that day, maybe I fainted because I overloaded my brain, but now how will I solve this mystery without visions? How can I help DongDongie? He really seems suffering. I want to see him laughing again and not only when our fans look at him but when we eat, play, dance, always.

               I don’t know why, but I can’t get that gold hairpin out of my head....I keep thinking of it. Why do I feel I’ve seen that pin somewhere? I need to talk to that lady again. Tomorrow it’s Sunday so I don’t have to work. I’ll go to the amusement park. I hope I would meet that woman. „Why don’t you sleep, hyung?” I hear Donghyun’s soft voice. Now he’s looking at me resting his chin on my chest. „Because you’re too close...I can’t breathe...” I nag at him. „Oh...sorry......” He lets me go then turns towards the wall. „Now it’s more comfortable...” I sigh contentedly when I backhug him. My nose touches his nape and I can smell the scent of his skin. It feels so good. Now I can sleep.

♡

               „Brrr...brrrr” It’s my alarm clock. I don’t know when I slept this well. My last memory before I went to dreamland was that I hugged Donghyuna tightly. Wait...where is he? I finger my bed without opening my eyes. „When will you turn off that alarm?” I hear his voice. He sounds like he isn't in a good mood. I open my eyes slowly and he gazes at me crossing his arms and legs. He has dark circles under his eyes. „Jo...Good morning!” I wave at him carefully. „Maybe you have a good morning, but I couldn’t get a wink of sleep because of you.” He tells me irritably. He’s so scary when he behaves like this. Maybe I should find a shelter. „Did I do something....strange?” I ask him cautiously. „Except for you wanted to rape me...well you did nothing odd.” He replies pretending to be calm. Oh my gush!!!....It wasn’t a dream...I sit up right away. „Okay....Don’t exaggerate!....I just kissed your neck.” I tell him putting my hands on his knee. „Ah...hmm...” He can’t find the words. He seems he’s about to explode in every second. Tick...tack...........bumm!!! „You sucked my neck!!!! LOOK!!!” He shouts at me showing the side of his neck. „SHIT!!!” Now I can’t find the words. „What will our manager and the makeup artist noona think? We’ll shoot the Checkmate MV on Wednesday!” He panics. „Okay...okay...calm down....we’ll say it’s a mosquito bite....we’ll solve it together.” I tell him embracing him. He lets me stroke his back. „Wait...” I end our hug then grab his shoulder gently. „Why didn’t you stopped me?” I ask and try to look into his eyes, but he turns his head away. His ears are red again. „Just...” He whispers sulking. I stare at him and he seems so embarrased. It’s cute. „Awww...I’m so hungry...Let’s eat something!” I change the topic. He seems relieved. „I’ll order chicken!” He shouts enthusiastically. I’m happy that he wants to eat finally. I hope he won’t lose weight again. I like when his cheeks are chubby. He’s more cute then.

♡

  
             „Where are you going, hyung?” Donghyun asks me biting into the last piece of chicken breast. „I’m going to the Children's Grand Park.” I reply putting on my trousers. „Why do you go there?” He looks at me suprisedly. „Because I want to play.” I tell him wiping some crumbs off his lips with my thumb. „Wow....” He draws apart from my touch suddenly and starts rubbing his mouth. „I’m not a baby...” He sulks and I just smirk at him. I’m afraid of saying this out loudly, but....you’re my baby. „I also want to go to the theme park.” He whispers, then jumps up and starts getting dressed. „I didn’t say I took you with me!” I shout to him, but I still wait for him.............„Ahhhh....I’m ready!” He runs to me panting. Wow he was so fast. „I think you forgot something...” I take a scarf and put around his neck to hide my love bite. „I can do it alone....Thanks, hyung!” He tells me grabbing the kerchief........He’s so close.....I just now notice how red his lips........An odd thought crosses my mind.......Despite he’ll hit me right away, it’s still worth it. Let’s do it! I tug him by the scarf then I kiss him suddenly. When will he kick me?.....Nothing happens.....I can’t believe he lets me do it. I hope this moment would last forever, but I know I have to be careful. Now I crossed a boundary that will change our relationship forever. Why is it so hard to let him go? After that dream it feels so natural to kiss him but still so different... I could feel cigarette smoke and more experience in Youngsoo’s kiss, but Donghyun’s lips....how to say... feels sweeter and more innocent. My heart goes pit-a-pat. Does he feel the same as me?.......I hope.....I let him go slowly. We stare at each other and I think both of us don’t know what to say. I give up first, looks down and tie his scarf. „Let’s go!” I tell him and he nods smiling.

♡

            Arriving at the Park I start looking for that lady. „Where is she? Last time she was here.” I whisper. „Do you want to buy something again?” DongDong asks me. It seems he still worries about me, because he follows me everywhere. Some minutes ago he came after me into the toilet again. It was awkward. He turned away and let me do my thing, but still....it was totally embarrassing. I sure my face was red like a pepper. I think when we go home, we have to talk about our relationship and what we can do and what makes the other uncomfortable.

         „Hyung....she’s there!” I hear Donghyun’s voice. He points at the right side of the rood. We go there right away. „Oh...you’re here again...” She welcomes us. „I knew you were going to come again.” She says smiling. „Do you know us?” I ask her uncertainly. „Do you ask that I know MXM or are you curious about something else?” She looks into my eyes deeply. „Have we met already...I think I’ve seen your hairpin somewhere.” I tell her. She looks so happy. „I knew you would remember this pin.....Sangook oppa gave me.....Do you know who he is?” She asks narrowing her eyes. „It might sound strange, but I think I was him in my past life.” I blurt out. There’s a spark in her eyes. „Do you want to talk over a cup of coffee or tea in my home?” She asks suddenly. „I would like a cup of tea!” Donghyun shouts happily. „I knew you would choose that...Follow me!” She says laughing. I don’t know why, but I trust her and I really want to know more. She goes in front of us and I see she wears that hairpin again. It must mean a lot for her. Donghyun is jumping next to me, he seems so excited. „Why are you so happy?” I ask him quietly. „Meeting someone whom I didn’t see for a long time always makes me happy.” He replies and he doesn’t care about how surprised I am. „Do you know her? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask him blinking. „Ohhhh...Did I say this aloud?....” He looks at me. „I’ve just recognized her. She grew a lot.” He says smiling. Why does he talks about her as if she were a little girl? I just notice we arrive at her house. She lives so near to the Park. It’s a single floor house that was built in traditional style. It doesn’t look expensive but considering its age it's in very good condition. Entering it feels so familiar. It looks like my dream home, cozy and beautifully decorated. Suddenly a white cat rubs against my leg welcoming me. „Oh...Danbi let them come in.” She tells her. „She doesn’t like strangers, but it seems she loves you.” She adds cheerfully. I walk slowly to observe everything throughly. By contrast, Donghyun runs next to me and he’s already in the room. „Here every furniture was made by Sangook oppa.” The lady says proudly. Suddenly I catch sight of an old photo on a small table. There are flowers and candles in front of it. I go closer and that face........ „I think you know who he is. He was the same age as me when he died.” She tells me when she notices what I’m looking at. „I’m now 78 years old. So he lived a long and healthy life.” She adds and glances at Donghyun who is already sitting on the floor next to a small table waiting for his tea. This kid really cares about drinking and eating only. I stare at that old photo wishing I would have a vision, but nothing happens. I look around and notice there’re some old records on the floor and a player which is similar to the one that Youngsoo used. „He loved Lee NanYoung’s songs so much.” She tells me smiling. „Can I....?” I ask carefully, she nods and I put a record on the player and even though I never used such thing before I know how to do it. The song starts playing. „The new bride is waiting by the port. Her clothes are soaked in tears.”♧ „Good choice!” She shouts happily. „Come and drink a cup of coffee.” She adds and I do as she requested. Donghyun finished his tea in about four slurps and now he’s eating cookies. He had just eaten a box of chicken breasts and he’s already hungry. It seems his appetite came back. The coffee is really good, it’s my taste. „Brrrr....brrr....” Donghyun’s phone vibrates. „Sorry....Ah hyung!” He stands up and leaves the room. It must be our manager. „What kind of person was he?” I ask glance at that photo. „He was a really good man. I’ve never known kinder person than him. He brought me up.” She says staring at the photo. I notice tears in his eyes. She turns her head towards me. „I know it wasn’t easy for you....., but I wanted to tell you......Thank you so much, Oppa.” She falters out grabbing my hand. It’s so natural as she calls me oppa. I feel warmth for her. „It was worth it.....it was worth it...” I tell her patting her hand. All of sudden I see a little girl sitting before me. She wears a beautiful colorful hanbok. The wind blows her long, black hair. „Here you are, your mother’s hairpin. You turned 6 years old...I think you’re enough old to get this. Take care of it. It’s the only thing your mother left behind. It’s so precious. You know originally it was your grandmother’s. She gave it to your mother and she wanted to be yours one day.” I tell her putting the pin before her. „Thank you so much, Sangook oppa!” She shouts happily, then jumps up and hugs me tightly. I stroke her hair. „Can you tell me again how you named me?” She asks me. „Of course! As many times as you want.....I gave you the YoungAe name after your mother, ChungAe and after my dearest friend, Youngsoo. They both were special people. My little sister’s name means true love and she lived like this. She brought you back risking her life, because she loved you so much and wanted you to live a happy life. My friend was similar to her......(Where are they???).....” „Come on!” It’s not Donghyun’s voice. It’s our manager. I feel a firm grip on my arm. I look up and our eyes meet. He never looked this mad. „I came to take you back to the dorm.” He says pulling me up from the floor and marches me towards the door. „Sorry....I’ll come back...” I shout to my niece who seems so surprised. „I’ll wait..” She waves at me. How can our manager be this mean? It’s Sunday and we still have to sit in the dorm. Come on man we’re adults as well. „Hyung....sorry....I didn’t think he would come after us.” Donghyun whispers to me guiltily when we get in the car. „It’s okay..you did nothing wrong.” I say softly. I don’t want to tell him how disappointed I am. I wanted to stay more time in that house. It was so calming and heartwarming to be there. I wanted to remember more things too. „I’ve already told you not to go anywhere without my permission.” Manager hyung tells us firmly. „What if something bad had happened to you, how I would have explained to Rhymer. I’m sure he would kick me out. How would I pay my debts then? You know my son was born last month, too. I need money.” He adds despairingly. Somehow I feel sorry for him. Maybe I should have told him where we went. „I’ll call you next time......Sorry...hyung...” I say looking into the mirror and he seems relaxed immediately. „Okay let’s not talk about this anymore.” He tells us smiling.

  
Reference:  
♧Lee NanYoung ~ Tears of Mokpo  
[Original song](http://youtu.be/FT_FsjZvkDQ):   
[Renewed song](http://youtu.be/1RlDZKu62Co) ~ Love, lies ost (7:47)


	7. The day when....

          „Let me go!....Nooo....it hurts...hhhmm.....Don’t hurt me...” Donghyun’s whimper wakes me up from my dream again. This week it’s the third time and it’s still Friday. „Jaehwan hyung....let me leave...” He begs. Who is he? It’s new. „DongDong...wake up!” I shake him gently. „Go to hell!!!” He shouts pushing away my hand so hard that it bumps against the headboard. „Ouch!!!” I cry out. He opens his eyes and sits up right away. I look at him paralyzedly. He wants to touch me, but he stops. „I didn’t do it purposely....” I notice tears in his eyes. I embrace him trying to comfort him. „I know Donghyuna...I know...” I tell him patting his back. „Please talk over this whole thing...Do you remember everything?...and...Who is that Jaehwan hyung?” I ask him gently. „He....he is..” Suddenly tears choke him. „It’s okay...You’ll tell me if you’re ready.” I whisper. I feel he tightens his arms around my waist. „I also don’t remember for the whole story.....There’re a lot of things I can’t understand.....For example who is he and why he does.....” He stops, I stroke his hair. „Why he does such things with me...I don’t want it....He’s taller and stronger than me, but I can’t see his face.” He falters out. „But there’s one thing I know I.....I loved you so much.” He whispers. „And now?....Do you still love me?” I make him look into my eyes. I feel my heart beats in my throat. „Do you still feel the same way?” I stare at him waiting for that only one word and he says decidedly: „Yes.” I can’t help smiling. „And you?” He asks doubtingly. The moonlight shines on his perfect face. Now I can’t focus anything else only his........I kiss those red lips suddenly. „It’s my answer.” I sigh and he kisses me back passionately. Now his kiss is similar to Youngsooya, but still sweeter.

♡

            That night was beautiful. Now you must think a lot of dirty things, but I have to tell you except some innocent kisses, nothing happened between us. Despite we were together in our past life, this all is so new for us in this life. Moreover Donghyun is still virgin and I....well...let’s not talk about it. So we decided to be patient, not force anything and wait for the best time. Now we have a whole life to do it anyway.

            We talked over everything. When I asked him why he didn’t want to be in the new group, he said: „I wanted to end the past because at that time I only knew I loved you, but you didn’t care about me and I thought it would be so painful for me to live next to you and desire you without you love me.” So Haehan hyung was right he really had feelings for me then. And when I asked why he cried when I had fainted he replied: „I feel I did something wrong. Maybe I hurt you in the past. Somehow I feel guilty all the time.” Despite I still don’t remember everything, I’m sure it’s not true. Youngsooya could have never hurt me. There must be a reason why we see these memories. So we decided to solve this mystery together. I hope the truth will come to light soon and Donghyuna will be happy again.

           „Hyung, where are you going?” DongDongie asks me when I take my jacket. „I go to my niece, that is to say Sangook’s niece.” I tell him smiling. „Ohhh...I forgot to ask....How did you recognize her?” I ask looking at him curiously. „Maybe the hairpin...” I start but he stops me. „No, I don’t remember that pin. She has two little moles on her cheek just like that baby’s I played in my dream, so I thought it had to be her.” He replies happily. „You had to play a lot with her when she was a child.” I say and his expression darkens. „What’s wrong?” I ask him gently. „Nothing....just....I only remember meeting her some times for example when Sangook hyung introduced her to me and I played with her, I even forgot her name.” He says looking in front of him. „One day you’ll remember. I also don’t have a lot of memories of her, but I’m sure they’ll come back. Now I go....Have a good day!” I tell him and give a peck on his lips. I pull away, but he tugs me suddenly. „I love the taste of your lips” He sighs. „Piky Biky.” I tell him smirking and he laughs. „Come home soon.” He says letting me go. „When will you have to go to the footvolley training?” I ask putting on my shoes. „I have to be there at 2 p.m, but....” He replies rubbing his forehead. „But?” I look at him. „I have a headache...It’s still not that bad.” He tells me smiling. „Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I say putting off my shoes then examine him. „Okay...I don’t go anywhere.” I tell him stroking his temple. „It’s just a headache. Anyway manager hyung will be here soon. He will take care of me if you worry.” He says still smiling. „But...” I start. „Now go!” He pushes me playfully. I go to put on my shoes again. „Okay, but call me, if you don’t feel better....Yeah I think we don’t have painkiller so I’ll bring you. Just wait some minutes.” I tell him worriedly and want to go to the chemist's before go to my niece. „Manager hyung will give me one.” He says coming to me smiling. „Don’t worry! Go!” He pushes me out of the dorm, then closes the door. Maybe he really doesn’t feel that bad.....

♡

  
          Now I’m at the house of Sangook’s niece. Despite we talk jocosely, I can’t stop thinking about Donghyuna. „I have a question for you that I want to ask for a while.” I say then take a sip of my coffee. She gives me a sign to continue it. Her cat purrs peacefully in his lap. „I don’t understand one thing. Why I don’t have memories about Youngsooya after I started to take care of you. You also don’t talk about him.” I stare at her waiting for her answer. Suddenly she becomes nervous. „Oh...you still don’t know what happened that day...Maybe you don’t want...to remember....” He whispers as if she talked to herself only. „What day!?...What happened!?” I ask worriedly. „The day when....he died......It was on 15 July 1939. He was only 20 years old then.” She says with tears in her eyes. Suddenly the world collapses and I can’t breathe. „It’s not true! You lie!” I shout at her hitting the table with my fists. She starts and her cat runs away scaredly. She doesn’t look at me, she just cries. Deep down I’ve already known he died, but hearing like this saddens me so much. All of sudden a thought rushes through my mind. 15 July.....20 years old....”It’s today...” I whisper and call Donghyun right away. He doesn’t pick up his phone. I dial our manager’s number. „Ah...Hyung! Is Donghyun with you?” I ask him despairingly. He doesn’t say a word. „Hyung?!” I beg. „Sorry Youngmina, but he isn’t here. He’s missing....He didn’t feel well, when he almost fainted I grabbed hold of him, but I lost my balance and I fell on him. He seemed distraught and he shouted not to hurt him when I let him go, he jumped onto his feet and ran away. I rushed after him, but he already disappeared. The doorman didn’t stop him, but he told me that Donghyun talked about something Sangook hyung and their last meet.” Our manager gabbles. „What?!” I can’t believe my ears. „Now I’m looking for him.” He tells me, but I don’t care anymore, I hung up the phone. I have to find him. „What happened?” My niece asks me. „He disappeared!...I have to remember....I have to remember....our last meet.” I shout hitting my head hardly. „Calm down...Wait.....maybe it’ll help you...” She says and takes a bloody hanbok out of the wardrobe. „Sangook hyung kept his clothes from that day.” She puts it into my hands. I embrace it instinctively and I can still smell...... „his scent....” The world darkens in front of my eyes suddenly. Finally I understand everything as if Sangook’s and my memory become one. I’m not a person who only sees things from outside anymore. Now I know who I am really. I’m Nam Sang Ook. I was born in Busan on 25 December 1915. I lived with my parents and my little sister, who was eight years younger than me, until 6 November 1933.

            My brain is full of memories of my past life. The first fight with Youngsooya, when he woke up after Seungwoo sutured his wound. He wasn’t enough lucky so I had to use that white clothe. He was passed out for a whole day. I was worried he would die, but he really wanted to live. When he opened his eyes he wanted to leave right away. „Let me go!!!” He shouted at me. „Poor Fool...What do you want to do?! I’ve seen many people who stood up against the Japaneses and they’re already under the ground.” I told him. „Then what should I do? Be one of their dogs. How can you live like this?! How can you lick their butts?!” I couldn’t take it anymore, I grabbed his collar and pinned him against the wall. He whined of pain. „You don’t know me! I promised to myself I won’t be that foolish to die. I’ll live as good life as I can. If I have to shout „Bainzai!” to them, I will do it. I’ll do everything to live my life because all that's left of me.” I said intently. „It hurts.” He whispered holding his wound. ”Look!...It’s just a little scratch and you already can’t bear it. If you keep fighting against them, it will be worser.” I let him go then I stroked his face, but he turned his head away. „Stay by my side. I’ll take care of you.” I told him gently. „Why would you do that?” He looked into my eyes angrily. I was bewitched by his look. „Because we’re similar.” I told him finally. „No...I’m not like you.” He whispered and I saw sadness in his eyes. „Well yes...you’re still so weak.” I outlaughed. He rolled his eyes. „Let’s make a deal. If you stay by me for three years and help me in the office, I will introduce you to someone who can teach you how to fight propery. If you want to leave after that, I will let you go.” I said and he thought a little. „Okay...but I want to be like God Zero.” He replied decidedly. „Well you still have to do a lot until you reach his level.....first of all you have to take a bath....you’re smelly.” I told him covering my nose with my hand. „I’ve already washed up last week.” From today you have to shower every day. Yeah and you have to learn etiquette guide.” I patted the top of his head. He was shorter than me then. „What....the fuck?!” He mumbled. „Yes....you definitely need the handbook of manners. Don’t forget you’ll be my right hand in the office......Yeah I almost forget ....” I took a paper. „We’ll write a contract about this all so you can’t escape.” I said smiling. After we had done it, we sealed it with our bloody thumbs. Our agreement was concluded.

            Time passed in the blink of an eye and he learned so fast. After some months he was almost like a borned gentleman, so he became my secretary. Instead of wearing hanbok and speaking in Korean, he wore suits and talked Japanese. I noticed he had problems with his eyesight so I took him to an eye examination and I had a pair of glasses made for him. „What is this?” He asked me when I put it in front of him on my desk. He had just read my appointments for that week. „Don’t tell me you never saw something like this.” I told him wonderingly. „Of course, I know what is this...but do you give it to me?” He seemed so suprised. „You read too slowly. You know I’m a busy man and don’t have time....It’s not free, you have to work for it.” I said seriously. „Thank you, Boss!!!...I’ll work hard!” He exclaimed cheerfully and I couldn’t help smiling. He abided by the contract and stayed by my side and helped me in everything while wearing those round glasses.

            In one year that little brat had grown into a beautiful man and he was almost as tall as me. I found myself thinking about him more and more. By the time I realized what was happening to me, it was already too late. Just like flowers bloom in spring, my feelings for him burst into flowers as well. There was no way back. I wanted to stop the time to keep him next to me forever. I didn’t know what he wanted to do in the future, when our contract was going to end. He didn’t like talking about himself and his past and I didn’t want to force him. It was enought that he was by my side. From outside I looked confident, but deep down I was scare. Of course I had relationships with both women and men, but I never felt like this with anybody else so I didn’t know how I should have behaved. I decided to keep my distance until I found out what would I do. Despite my decision, I couldn’t help telling him little compliments, like: „Your face looks so small today.; You’re so handsome.; What’s your best points: eyes, nose, lips. They’re all perfect.” He seemed so happy because of these tiny things. It was like this day by day. Our relationship level was unchanged and it was enough for me.

              One day when he came to my office with my week's agenda, I noticed blood in the corner of his mouth and it changed everything. I cupped his cheeks without thinking and examined his wound. „Who did this to you?” I asked angrily. „Nobody...I cut myself during shaving.” He said but he didn’t see into my eyes. It looked like someone punched him so I knew he told a lie. „You belong to me...Nobody can hurt you without my permission.” I vowed and he seemed so surprised. „Yes....you heard well...you’re mine.” I realized then that I couldn’t lose him and I had to protect him at whatever cost. I kissed him suddenly and he didn’t go against it. From that day he let me love him. He gave me such happiness that I almost forgot the purpose of my life, my hate for Japaneses. I thought to give up my fight and lived with him in peace, but I couldn’t see the suffering of people around me. I had to help them. I robbed rich Japaneses and Koreans, who were faithful to them, then gave the money to poor people. Youngsooya didn’t know the real identity of God Zero, he just knew and loved Sangook hyung who took him under his wing. I tried to keep him away from trouble, so I lied to him and told him to live in peace, keep quiet and just be a good Japanese dependant, but he always wanted to fight and join God Zero’s band, mainly after he learned some subak☆ from my foster brother, JungShin hyung. (He was reborn as Kanto hyung.) One night when I went to his place, he was in hurry. He looked mad and said he was going to rob alone. It was too dangerous so I had to stop him.

             „Kajima!!! God Zero will do it.” I shouted to him when he was about to go. „How can he do it. I doesn’t know him personaly and I don’t have time to wait his answer to allow me to join his band. That little girl needs help urgently or she’ll die. I don’t have any choice.” He said desperately. „God Zero will help her.....You’ve already known him for a long time.” I said and he turned his head towards me slowly. I held my signet ring in my hand. I used to stamp a slip of paper with my blood that I left for people whom I robbed. There was a cloud on it, which meant God Zero saw everything over the clouds and he was going to punish everyone who hurt righteous Koreans. Youngsooya stared at it some moments then he turned his whole body towards me and looked into my eyes. „I knew it.....I knew you’re at our side....Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He asked with tearful eyes. „At the begining I thought you was too young and hot-headed.” I smiled at him as I remembered his 17 years old self. „Then I got to love you and I wanted you to be out from the case to protect you. It’s more dangerious than you think.” I told him. „Did you hurt a lot?” He asked. „Yes, I am. I thought of giving up the whole thing, but I can’t see how those bastards behave, how they torture our fellow countrymen. I need to do something. At least I need to give back to Koreans their money what Japaneses took away.” I said with clenched hand. „How did you become God Zero?” He asked looking at me with his beautiful curious eyes. „You know I grew up in Busan. Life there wasn’t so bad in those times, actually it was quite good. I could go to shool and a lot of new buildings was built by Japaneses. For example hospitals and universities. There were huge developments. We had electrical energy and tap-water in almost every household. So we were grateful to them for giving us a modern lifestyle. After school I would go to movie theaters and after they showed the news and we shouted banzai giving a round of applause, we could watch movies. In those days, the Koreans were more proud of being Japanese than the Japanese themselves. So I lived a good life until that day.....when the garrison rolled into our town, they wanted to take away my sister as a comfort woman◇. She was only ten years old. My parents hid her in a makeshift basement in our house but those bastards found her and they.....” I couldn’t hold my tears anymore and burst out crying. He came closer and hugged me. „...shoot down my parents then took my sister with them. I haven’t seen her since that day. Maybe she died already....I don’t know.” I whispered. „How did you manage to escape?” He asked patting my back. „I was a coward and hid in the crowd. That day I promised to become stronger and won’t let others go through what I went through.......” We both couldn’t find the words and just stood there hugging each other for a while. „Was there anybody who helped you?” He asked finally. „Yes, I have a good friend, YeJoon hyung (He was reborn as Hanhae hyung.) whom uncle is Kim Wonshik (He was reborn as Rhymer.) you know he’s our big boss in the furniture factory. Despite he has connection with the Japaneses, he’s a righteous man who helps a lot of Koreans with his money and whom I respect like he were my real father. You know his son is JungShin hyung.” I told him. „Oh...now I understand why you always tell he’s your brother.” Youngsoo said nodding. „Yeah...well he isn’t my real brother but he feels like that. That family helped me a lot, I could go to school and got this job too.” I added. „Do they know who you really are?” He asked narrowing his eyes. „No, it’s better if they don’t know.....I don’t want them to be in danger. But don’t talk about me anymore..... What’s your story?...You never told me. What did you do, when we first met?” I asked carefully. „Well as you said I was too hot-headed then and I didn’t think. I just wanted to be revenged on somebody and just rushed at him...” He answered smiling as if it were nothing. ”You won’t tell me who he was and what he did, will you?” I asked gently. „I can’t tell you yet. Suffice to say, he’s one of the Japanese dogs whom I hate.” He said through gritted teeth. „I understand...I’ll wait....If you’re ready, you’ll tell me.” I kissed him. That night my band with Youngsooya raised money to help that little girl. He was better in robbery than I thought. From that day we were together in the trouble too.

               One day when I stepped out of my house I noticed a young girl standing on the other side of the road looking at me. She carried a baby on her back. She was so slim and wore dirty clothes. She didn’t have shoes so her feet were bleeding. When she came closer she seemed familiar. „Oppa...Do you remember me?” She asked me suddenly. I went closer to her and when I looked into her eyes, I recognized her right away. She was my little sister. „...ChungAe...” I couldn’t find the words. Tears were beginning to blur my vision. I thought I would never see her again and now she was standing in front of me. I hugged her. „How?” I asked stroking her hair, that was shorter than before. „I managed to escape...I needed to find her a safe place....so I came here.” She said and showed the child on her back. „Is she yours?” I asked doubtingly. „Yes...I was pregnant some times, but I always had miscarriages. She’s my first alive baby.” She told looking at her daughter proudly and I just thought of how much men could rape her and how much she could suffer, but she was still able to smile. I admired her and felt guilty. I should have protected her, but I was a coward. „It’s not your fault, oppa. The thought that you stayed alive and I can see you again one day gave me strength to survive this all.” She told me as if she read my mind. „How did you find me?” I asked curiously. „Your message reached me.” She replied smiling and I knew she read my ad. Every months I placed classified ads in newspapers in which I looked for my lost kitten. I always called her a „kitten” because she loved to nestle to me and my parents. Her daughter burst out crying suddenly. „Oh..she must be hungry....Everything is okay...shhh...” She babbled to her and rocked her and the baby calmed down. I knew my little sister grew up and she wasn’t a child anymore. Despite she was only sixteen years old, she was a real mother.

      „So you have a niece now...how cute....” Youngsooya said when he came to my house that night. „Hyung...look...look...she grabbed my finger!” He shouted cheerfully. „Would you like if I sing a song for you?” He asked the baby, who still couldn’t speak only smiled at him. „Okayyyy....I thought you would like it so I bring this!” He showed his guitar to my niece, who looked so excited clapping with her tiny hands. He started singing and playing his guitar. He had beautiful voice. My niece stared at him open – mouthed. She looked so cute. I enjoyed watching them, but at the same time I worried so much. ChungAe didn’t feel well. Her body was so weak. I asked Seungwooya to come and examine her. I couldn’t take her to a hospital, because she was a runaway comfort woman. Seungwoo made good progress with his studies to become a doctor so I trusted him, he even saved Youngsooya. „Hyung....” He called me when he came out of the room. He looked at me sadly. „Just be with her as much as you can.” He told me finally. „No...no..” Tears choked me. „I had just got..her back.” I faltered.......„„Shhh...” Youngsooya embraced me. „I know...I know...” He whispered storking my nape.

              When I calmed down, I went to my sister. She looked like she was sleeping. When I was about to go out of the room, she told me: „I’m awake, I just thought about things.” „What kind of things?” I asked gently and sat down next to her. „That how lucky I am to meet you again before I die.” She said and I felt tears choking me again. I took her little skinny hand in mine and I noticed tattoo on her arm. I was sure it was made by those bastards. „You know there were a lot of girls who weren’t this lucky....When they died, the soldiers threw them out as if they were only trash. I know because I was there. They thought I died already and threw me there....but they didn’t know that they gave me a chance to escape.” She said. I think she really wanted to tell her story and even though it hurt me to hear her suffering. I needed to listen to it. „How did you escape?” I asked stroking her hand. „There was a worker whose job was to bury the deads. He noticed that I’m still alive. He pulled me out of the pile and helped me. I think he was a kind person, he was just afraid of Japaneses so he did what they told him. I was about eight months pregnant then and he hid me until I gave birth to my baby, then he helped us to get on a ship to Korea. If he hadn’t been there, my daughter would have never been born.” She said smiling and I couldn’t believe how she wasn’t angry at all. „Do you know who is her father?” I asked carefully. „No... Soldiers came to my room after each other every day....But it doesn’t matter she’s only my baby and she’s innocent. She can’t help it she didn’t ask to be born in this world. She’s also a victim. Despite she’s still so little, she suffered a lot with me. It’s a miracle that she’s healthy” She told me and she looked like a tigress. But she was right, that baby couldn’t help it who was her father.

          After our talk, I cried almost all night. I was so sad and angry at the same time. Youngsoo stayed with me and give me comfort. Time passed too fast and my sister became weaker and weaker day after day. Despite Youngsooya helped me a lot, my niece still kept me busy. She was a so lively baby.

          On a sunny Sunday ChungAe gave up the fight and died. Before she went to heaven she made me swear to take care of her daughter. I promised her to bring up her child. After her death it rained for days, as if the sky mourned her just like me. If Youngsoo hadn’t been there by my side, I wouldn’t have been able to endured the pain. He and my niece were my happiness. But it didn’t take too long.

       One night our band went to rob a very rich Korean man, Shin Jaehwan who known as the „Biggest Japanese Dog”. When we were near to his room. I heard odd voices. I thought he just fucked a pretty Japanese girl. „It’ll be funny...” One of my member whisperd to me, but when we dashed into the room, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was Youngsooya wearing women’s kimono and that man was on top of him. He never let me do that with him. I felt betrayed. Youngsoo tried to cover his naked body with his clothe. I rushed there and punched that man firmly, he fell off the bed, then I grabbed Youngsoo’s hand and tugged him outside of the house. My members just looked at us astonishedly. „Let me go!.....Can’t you hear me?!....Let me go!!!” He shouted. I stopped and turned towards him. „Why?! Do you want to go back to him?!” I asked him hysterically. „Yes!” He replied decidedly. He pulled his hands away from mine then tugged off the necklace around his neck, that I had given him. „The three years passed.” He told me drily and gave me back the locket then walked back to that house without turning back. I just stood there and let him go. It was over. He was right our contract ended.

Reference:

☆ [About Subak ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subak)

◇ [About comfort women](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_women)


	8. The letter

         I wanted to hate Youngsoo, but I wasn’t able. I tried to work as much as I could to forget him. I paid to the neighbor lady to take care of my niece so daytime I would be in the office and nights I would rob as many people as I could. I hate sleeping because I always saw him in my dreams. That time I got a new enemy. I always wore white hanbok and mask to cover my face. He was in black hanbok and almost looked like a ninja. He fought with Japanese sword. It was strange that he never cut me seriously even though he had a lot of chances to stab me. So I didn’t take him seriously.

           Sometimes I went back to Youngsoo’s room and remembered for the sweet moments. When we first spent the night together. We both were so nervous as if we were virgin. He asked me some little things, like not to climb on the top of him or not to cum on his face. I thought it was okay as long as he wanted to be with me. I knew he really desired me and I was addicted to him like coffee. I needed to make love with him every day. I would kiss him and tell him such things: „Your butt looks too sexy in these pants.” I grabbed his waist and pulled him closer to myself. „I can feel you’re also as excited as me. I looked down onto his cock. „Yes...I am, but we have to be careful. If somebody saw us, we would be in big trouble.” He whispered. „Yeah...you’re right...that’s why we have to hide somewhere. Follow me!” I smirked at him and tugged his tie. Some minutes later we were already in a dark corner of the the archives where nobody came. There's a rumor that ghosts lived there. Workers hated to go into the archives. They always gossiped: „I heard same odd voices there. Moans...and whispers...I’m sure they’re the ghosts of dead workers.” „That’s why I told you not to go there. They’re dangerous...I heard about someone who killed himself after he went into that room. His family said he couldn’t bear the scary dreams and he went crazy.” Of course it was only a rumor nobody died there, only Youngsoo and I played there with each other. If those walls were able to speak, they would tell so many dirty things.

            Lying in bed we just stared into the other’s eyes, stroked each other’s faces, bodies and when we had mood then we made love. When he looked at me after we cummed, he always told me he loved me. I kissed his forehead and he playing on my chest with his fingers. We could spend a whole day in each other’s arms. I couldn’t believe those moments were all lies. I didn’t want to accept that it was over. I missed the touch of his hand, the sound of his voice and the scent of his body.....everything. That time I realized how much he meant to me.

           When I gave that locket to him, he seemed so happy, but he gave it back to me. Somehow I still wanted to believe even though his lips told me lies, his eyes weren’t able to lie. They told me the truth that he really loved me. But then why did he leave me? What did he hide?

            One day I got to know his secret, when I found a letter in the drawer of his desk. It was addressed to me so I read it.

8 April 1939 Seoul

Dear Sangook hyung,

I want to be honest with you. I’m not that person who you know. I told lies to you the whole time. I was born on 17 September, 1918. My family was enough rich, we had a neat property. So we can say I’m a born gentleman. On 29 January, 1921 mum gave birth to my little sister, Youngmi and we lived happily. My family was able to keep the land too. Everything changed, when my father died on 3 November, 1926. My mother remarried to dad’s best friend, Shin YongSun in one year and that man and his son, Jaehwan hyung moved into our house. At first everything was perfect. That man did everything to us, but after mum died on 18 July, 1930 we became orphans. That man was still kind to us, but his son was envy of me and he slowly made his father came to hate me. He told him that I stole from him and want to hurt him. He believed his son. It’s natural he was his only child. 

Once my stepfather got really angry with me because his favourite watch was missing. He thought I stole it, too. After that incident I had to live in the stable and work there. Jaehwan came a lot of times to hit me to relieve his stress. There were times when he was horny or drunk and he raped me as well. He just enjoyed watching my suffering. I thought I was no one and he could do everything with me. There’s lot of things I don’t remember from those times. My memory is bleary and it’s good like this. I want to forget everything.

During the years I saw my little sister only few times, she seemed happy and always wore beautiful kimonos. They treated her well. I think our stepfather loved her because she was similar to our mother. But I still don’t understand why he hated me that much and why he let his son did such things to me even though he knew everything. Why didn’t he stop him?

Luckily there was a horse-boy, Woongin who was so nice to me and always took care of me after Jaehwan hurt me. He gave me the half of his food too. If he hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have lived now. He was the one who helped me to escape. So I’m really grateful to him.

After I met you I thought I could leave my past behind and I could live free. Finally I was happy again after a long time, but unfortunately Jaehwan found me. He told me that my stepfather died and he blackmailed me that he would hurt my sister if I didn’t do what he says. He took her away somewhere and he only shows me photos of her. I worry about her so much so I do everything that he wants me to do. I even let him fuck me as many times as he wants. I obey because I want to protect Youngmi. But Jaehwan changed, back then if I remember well he raped me only when he was drunk or he was too horny to find a girl but nowadays he calls me too many times and tells me such things like: „You were a wild foal, but now you’re a blood-horse so I want to fuck you more.” and wants me to wear woman clothes. He’s crazy. I feel disgusted after having sex with him and guilty because my body reacts to his touch.

Now you can see what kind of man I am. I hope one day you can forgive me, but I won’t forgive myself to take advantage of you. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met. You’re the one who took care of me and loved me and I also fell in love with you. The years that I’ve spent with you were my happiest time in my life......But I love my sister, too. It tears me apart. I hate myself to be this dirty. I hate as he touches me. I would like to kill him, but I can’t do that, because his friends must hurt my sister. They’re dangerous. I know them well, because sometimes he let them play with me as well.

I know one day you’ll get to know the truth and you won’t love me anymore....because how can you love a whore like me... I'm not deserve to be loved.

I don’t know how long I can bear this all. I don’t want to live like this anymore....Hyung promise me.....If something happened to me, you won’t cry after me. I know I have no right to ask for anything, but I would like you to live a long and happy life. You have to bring up your niece too. She needs you.

In my next life I hope I would be reborn as a girl and in that life you’ll be my only man. It’s hard to have the same first and last love, but you’re both to me.

Live well, Sangook hyung!

Han Young Soo.

        So he wrote this letter when I gave him the locket. I didn’t want to imagine how much he was suffering because of that dog. I wiped my tears and sweared to take him from that house, but I knew first I need to find his sister. I asked my band to look for her. I got to know Woongin (He was reborn as Woojin) that time and he was really a good friend who helped us a lot. After some weeks I could meet Youngmi personally, when she was released by my band. She was a really charming young girl. (She was reborn as Daehwi.) She loved his brother so much and always wanted to help him, but they didn’t let her meet Youngsoo. She was the one who asked Woongin to protect him and help him to escape. When I told her what happened to his brother she was so sad and blamed herself. „He really loves you and he wants you to live well. Don’t blame yourself! You’re still so young. You did what you could.” I told her.

      After that I went to take Youngsooya back, I wanted to kill that man even so I’ve never killed anybody, but he deserved to die. Our plan was perfect. My band settled his bodyguards and I managed to tempt him out of the house. „You dog!!! How could you do that with Youngsoo?!” I shouted at him grabbing his collar. He was lying on the ground and I was on the top of him. At least he could feel as my lover felt when he raped him. „Oh...so you’re his new sugar daddy.....now I know why his asshole was so soft when I fucked him.....I have to tell you he also enjoyed our little dates. He begged me....” I wasn’t able to listen to him anymore. „Up yours!!!” I shouted and started punching his face angrily wiping the smug look off his face. His head turned red and some moments later his nose was already bleeding. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt Youngsoo. I felt I could kill him easily. I grabbed his neck and squeezed it tightly. His eyes widened and he gasped for air. All of sudden I felt a slap on my back. That „black hanbok man” appeared again and attacked me. I had to let go Jaehwan and fight back, but he was so fast. He was like a tiger. As I looked at him extensively somehow his move looked familiar. Somehow I managed to pluck off his mask and he was.....my Youngsooya. We stopped fighting. „Look! He’s my bodyguard now!” I heard that bastard’s voice. „So you loves boys, but you still kidnapped our little Youngmi. Now you’ll be punished.” He shouted. „Go away, kid!” He told to my lover and I heard the sound of his gun. Everything happened so fast. Youngsoo and my eyes met. All of sudden he embraced me tightly. A blink of eye and we were already on the ground. I heard another shoot but I didn’t care anymore. I sat up and as I looked down blood was everywhere. I took Youngsooya in my arms. I wasn’t able to do anything just staring into his eyes. He didn’t have to say anything I knew exactly what he thought about. „Don’t worry.....Your sister is in safe hands.” He seemed relieved. I wanted to be brave and held my tears, but I couldn’t take it anymore. „No matter what you did....I love you, Youngsooya.” I whispered and kissed his forehead. „We’ll ...m.eet again...I’ll .....fi..nd yo.u...in ....a brig.hter f.uture.....Sorry....Sangook hyung...” He faltered out and gave me his last beautiful smile then everything ended. He didn’t breathe again. I just embraced him, sniffed his familiar scent and felt the warmth of his body. I wanted to keep them all. I couldn’t believe what happened he was so lively some minutes ago and now he was never going to move again. How could a little bullet do this? It took that person whom I loved better than my life. What would I do without him? „We have to go...come on!!!!....Policemen will be here soon.” I heard Woongin’s voice. „Wake up, Youngsooya! Don’t you hear?...We have to go.......WAKE UP!!!!!.....It’s a command.....You musn’t die......You promised me....” I cried shaking him. I felt a sudden tug on my arm. „Come on, hyung....He died already.” Woongin told me gently. I pushed away his hand. „NO!!!...He’ll wake up and smile again.... I won’t leave him here!!!” I shouted at him. „Okay...I’ll help him....Let’s take him to a safe place.” He said and grabbed Youngsoo’s arm.

           After this everything was chaotic. My firts memory as I cut in his age on his wooden grave marker thinking how ironic even though the meaning of his name was eternal and long life, he died such young. His beautiful body, that suffered a lot, lay there motionlessly. He was dressed in a clean, white hanbok. He looked like he was just sleeping. His last smile was still there on his lips. I stroked his face then kissed his cold forehead. „I’m a 비익조 (bi-ik-jo bird) with one eye and one wing, without you I can’t fly.” I talked to him. „Hyung, I think he would like that place. It looks so peaceful.” Woongin told me smiling. A huge tree stood alone on a little hill. It was really beautiful so I decided to bury him there.

        When I put his marker onto his grave, a little bird flew onto it. „He always wanted to be a bird.” Youngmi said suddenly. She held out his hand and the bird jumped onto it. She stroked its back. „Now you’re free.” She whispered and the tiny bird flew away. I looked up to the clear sky. „Han Young Soo.....I don’t know where you are now...but you do better if you keep your promise, otherwise I’ll kick your ass.” I shouted smiling. When we meet again I won’t let you go away.......„Ahmmm...” My little niece, who was in Woongin’s arms, tugged at my hanbok. I took her into my arms and lifted her up as if she flew. Her laugh gave me back my life. From that day she was the person for whom it was worth living. I named her YoungAe after the two people I loved and admired the most.

           I wanted to stay in Korea and fight, but for my niece’s safety I decided to leave the country and go to Singapore ⊙, because it was part of the British Empire then. The police looked for Woongin because he shot Jaehwan on the day Youngsoo died so he came with us. Unfortunately that dog survived, but he wasn’t able to walk anymore. Youngmi decided to join us as well because she had nobody. I got to love them so much so I was glad when they married on 5 May 1941 and their daughter, MiSun was born on 24 June 1942.

          Unfortunately British surrendered Singapore to Japan on 15 February 1942, after Fall of Singapore and we had to move again. Woongin and Youngmi weren’t able to come with us because their daughter was ill so they had to stay in Singapore. YoungAe and I went to the United States, because the war didn’t reach there. I started to work as a carpenter. After the Korean War ■ we could moved back to South Korea. Despite everything changed and most of my friends died or left the country, that big tree above Youngsoo’s grave survived the war. I was happy that I could be near to him again. I decided to build up my house there. Children's Grand Park○ opened on Children’s Day in 1973 and I thought Youngsooya had to enjoy listening to the happy voices around him. I heard that dog, Jaehwan was killed by infuriated Koreans after Victory over Japan Day□on 15 August 1945. I bulldozed his house where Youngsooya suffered a lot. My lover could be entirely free. I lived my life alone because after him I wasn’t able to love anybody else. He was my only one.

Reference:  
⊙ [About Singapore ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singapore)  
■ [About Korean War ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_War)  
○ [About Children’s Grand Park ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Grand_Park,_Seoul)  
□ [About Victory over Japan Day ](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victory_over_Japan_Day)


	9. By your side

       „I remember everything.” I tells to my niece when I open my eyes. „I missed you, Dear.” I say stroking her beautifully wrinkled cheek. Despite she’s on old lady now, in my eyes she’s still that naughty little girl who gave me reason to live. „Me too, oppa.” She smiles at me. „Sorry I have to go now to find Young...,that is to say, Donghyuna” I tell her. „I don’t go anywhere...I’ll wait for you here with Danbi.” She says stroking her cat’s back. I always loved her loyalty. I leave my old house and rush towards the bus stop. I have to be there quickly. The place where Youngsoo died in 1939 now it’s a busy road. I don’t want to imagine what would happen if he wanted to go across that road in his condition and there’s one thing that worry me what if our manager, the man who hurt him that much in his past life, found him first. Yeah Jaehwan was near us for the whole time. Fate must play cruel tricks with us. I think Donghyun also recognized him, that’s why he ran away from him. I hope he won’t do anything stupid. „Wait for me...” Luckily a bus comes and I get on it.

♡

  
          „Donghyuna!!!” I shout to him as I got to the place. He doesn’t react just stands on the middle of the multi-lane road and seems so confused as he covers his ears with his hands. Cars avoid him honking at him. What can I do? I look around and I catch sight of a truck that seems not to notice him. It goes straight towards him. „No...It won’t stop....It’ll hit him...” I whisper. „Hyung....have you ever thought about dying for somebody?” I hear Youngsooya’s voice and I really understand his feelings now, we can say big words, but when we have to do something brave it’s so scary.....but I’ll lay down my life to save him, if it needs, because it would be scarier to live without him again. I take one step forward then start to run towards him as fast as I can. Somehow everything slows down just like I see a slow motion. So it feels like. „Youngsooya!!!” I cry out. Finally he turns towards me. Our eyes meet just like that day, but now I’ll save him. I embrace him and pull him with myself. „Bumm...!!!” Something bumps against my head. It hurts then everything darkens suddenly.

♡

  
         What happend? Where am I? I don’t understand anything. „Hyung....Finally you woke up!” Donghyun tells me happily sitting by my bed. „Where am I?” I stare at him uncomprehendingly. „You’re in the hospital.” I feel his hand on mine. „Wait...why do you hold my hand?” I ask him and pull my hand away. „You don’t remember anything....” He whispers. „What do I have to remember? Some minutes ago I was in the car and you wanted to tell me something.” I say decidedly. „It’s okay if you don’t remember anything, it’s enough that you live.” He smiles at me, but his eyes look sad. „Oh...we had an accident. I always tell manager hyung to drive slower.” I say and Donghyun looks at me as if he wanted to puke. „What’s with you? Are you okay?” I ask him but he doesn’t answer only embrace me. „What are you doing? You’re too cuddly again.” I try to peel his hand off my waist, but he hugs me so tightly. „Hyung....Just.....just stay still a little...please...” He falters. Well if he needs this that bad, then let it be. But I hope nobody will see it. „Do you cry?” I ask when I notice him sniffling. „No...” He denies shaking his head. Somehow I feel sorry for him. I start patting his back. „Donghyuna it’s okay...I won’t tell anybody.... You had to be scared....Wait didn’t you get injured? You was in that car too.” I ask worriedly. „I’m fine...” He whispers. „Thank goodness! If you’re in safe, than everything is okay.” I sigh. „Tha..nk.s to .yo.u....” He mutters something, but I can’t understand. The door opens suddenly. „Come on, Donghyun! We have to go home.” I hear our manager’s voice. „Hyung....are you okay? How's the car?” I ask him curiously. „Of course, I’m fine...and the car too. But why do you ask such mindless questions?” He looks at me as if I were stupid. „You’re so lucky, guys that Woojin found you and got help otherwise you would have dinner now with your great-great-grandparents.” He added laughing. I still don’t understand anything. What the fuck happened? „Come on, boy!” He tugs at Donghyun’s hand. DongDongie looks at me with an expression I can’t read. All of sudden the door opens again. „Hi...I come to take Donghyuna home.” Hanhae hyung steps into the room. „Who did call you?” Our manager asks him harshly. „Daehwiya.” He replies smiling into the manager’s face. „Why are you so mad? You can go home sooner to your family.” Hanhae hyung adds happily. „Come on, Donghyuna!” He tells him and DongDong follows him fastly. „I’ll come tomorrow, hyung.” He turns back and waves at me smiling before leaves the room. „What do they think who they are?” Our manager whispers squeezing the ignition key in his hand. He looks so mad. „Doctor said you had to stay her tonight for observation. If you’re fine, they’ll let you go home tomorrow. Bye!” He tells me drily then rushes out of the room.

       Well tonight will be so boring. Here isn’t a TV. I hope wifi works properly. I take my phone......What?! 15 July........Where did one and a half months go? It can’t be true. I need to know what happened?.....Ah...He said Woojin was there! I ring him up. „Hyung...Are you alright?...Sorry....I couldn’t stay in the hospital.” He says worriedly when he picks up his phone. „Yeah...I’m fine...There’s only a hump on the back of my head.” I reply stroking my minor injury. „Ah...that’s good....I was really worried. Donghyun was crying hysterically when I found you. I thought you died.” He gabbles. „Well I still live...but I can’t remember what happened....Can you tell me?” I hope he can answer my question. „Well...I also don’t know, hyung. I found you sitting on the middle of the road. There’s something odd here. Today Daehwi asked me to go there because he had a dream and he thought you were in danger. He couldn’t go there because he had schedule. Does he see future or what?” Woojin whispers. I think he’s afraid that Daehwi will hear him. „Yeah...maybe he talks to ghosts.” I tease him. „It's also possible. The more I know him the more I think he’s strange. Yesterday he told me he would never marry me again, because I had a body odor he didn’t like. Excuse me I'm not smelly....I'm just aromatic.” He says indignantly. „Oink – oink!!!” I hear Daehwi’s voice. „Sorry hyung....now I have to kill somebody. Get well soon! Bye!” He says and hangs up the phone. I can imagine as he chases Daehwi shouting, just like on our „little bloody dinner”. Wait.....what?...„Au”..my head starts to hurt so much. I rub my temple. „Okay...I don’t go anywhere.” I hear my voice. „It’s just a headache.” Donghyun tells me........What is happening to me?....

♡

         Two weeks had passed since my accident and I still don’t remember everything. There’re black spots in my memory. Fortunately I didn’t forget the choreographies so we can prepare for our comeback without problems. The lyrics are more difficult, so I have to learn them again. It keeps me busy so I don’t have time to think of anything else. Yeah I moved to another room, because DongDongie always slept on my bed so now we live in separate rooms. Finally I can sleep well without falling plush toys. It’s more comfortable. „Hyung, can you help me fix this?” I hear Donghyun’s voice. He’s standing by the door showing his watch. „It doesn’t work.” He adds sadly. Nowadays asking for help is his hobby. Today it’s the third times he comes and asks me to help him. First he couldn’t open his window, because it got stuck, then he couldn’t change his phone skin and now this. „Okay, come here!” I point at my bed giving him a sign that he can sit down there. He hops and hops happily then lumps down onto my bed. I check his watch and I feel as he nestles to my side, then he puts his chin on my shoulder gently. „Well I think it’s a serious problem.” I tell him decidedly. „Oh...nooo..” He sounds like he’ll burst out crying right away. „Its battery died.” I say laughing. „Hyungggg!!!” He mewls hitting my arm. „Au....” I whisper then grab his wrist and look into his eyes deeply. He stares at me suprisedly then looks down and up, then again......What the fuck is he doing???.....His lips are on mine.....What is he doing and why does it feel so good?.....He wants to pull away. I grab his nape and start kissing him passionately. He parted his lips let my tongue slip into his mouth. Why do he taste this sweet?.....Yeah he must eat candy again. This kid likes jelly worms a lot and it seems I like his lips. „Pip..pip..!” I hear someone opens the door. I feel Donghyun starts at the sudden noise. „Guy! Where are you? I bring you food.” Our manager shouts. DongDong pushes me away suddenly. „We’re here!” He cries and runs out of my room to welcome hyung. „Ah...you must be so hungry, kid.” I hears his voice. I don’t know why but in these days I find this man so annoying. I go to the kitchen and notice him staring at Donghyun’s ass again. In the past he didn’t do such things....What’s with him nowadays? Well I have to admit DongDong becomes more handsome day by day. He almost 21 years old so he grows into a real man, but still why he stares at his butt like that. I walk behind Donghyun slowly and pretend to look for something in the top cabinet like this I hide him from hyung’s lingering look. Now he can look at my ass if he wants. „And how’s your son, hyung?” I ask him glancing at him over my shoulder. He seems abashed. „He’s fine....You know he does what a baby has to do...He sleeps, eats and poops.” He replies with forced laugh while he’s rubbing his nape. „By the way! I have to help my wife lull him.” He says then jumps onto his feet. „Night, hyung!” I wave at him. „Yeah...” He leaves our dorm fastly. I just notice now how close I’m standing behind Donghyuna. His back touches my chest and his butt well....you know where it is. „Ah...I found it!” I shout taking out a box of cereal. I sit down by the table and start eating it with my hand without milk. Donghyun still doesn’t move......”Are you okay?” I ask him. „Aha....I just have to pee...” He says then he sidles out of the kitchen quickly......No wayyyy...Don’t tell me he turned on.

♡

          „Donghyun! You’re in the bathroom for half an hour. I need to pee, too!!!” I whine in front of the locked door. All of sudden he comes out. „You can go now, hyung.” He tells me guiltily. Entering the room I see he mopped up the floor. „Again?!” I ask shouting. Nowadays he always does this. „Since when do you like cleaning that much?! When I tell you to do something you refuse to do it!” I shout to him. „Sorry, hyung....” He replies then I hear as he closes the door of his room. Maybe I was too harsh to him again.....What can I do I’m a Busan man after all....„Sang namja....I won..” Wow what was this? Why do I alway have such strange visions?...Owww...I need to pee....

  
♡

         It seems Donghyun really took to heart what I told him last night. He didn’t come to wake me up. Despite recently waking me up is also his hobby. I get out of bed, that is to say, I slither just like a snake. Well I’m not a morning person. I need my coffee....Donghyuna, where are you?...I totter to his room. Entering I see he isn’t there. Unsteadily, I made my way towards the kitchen. He isn’t there either. I start panicing. He never goes anywhere without telling me. It looks like he isn’t in the bathroom either. Where is he?... „I want to be a solo artist. I won’t be in the new group.” I hear his voice. What is this feeling? Why do I feel like crying? My chest hurts....hurts so much. My legs feel weak. I fall onto the floor and gasp. I see blood everywhere. „No matter what you did....I love you, Youngsooya.” I hear my voice and tears dim my eyes. I shake my head. „We’ll ...m.eet again...I’ll .....fi..nd yo.u...in ....a brig.hter f.uture.....Sorry....Sangook hyung...” I begin sobbing. Afterimages follow each other rapidly. „Hyung....have you ever thought about dying for somebody?” I swallow my tears. „Yes, I would die for you, Youngsooya.” I whisper. I remember everything....When I first met him again in this life, he felt strangely familiar. I only saw his eyes. They stared at me like they could read my mind. „I’m Kim Dong Hyun and I was born in 1998, and you?” He said taking off his mask. I held out my hand to him. „Then I’m your hyung. My name is Lim Young Min. Nice to meet you!” I told him and he grabbed my hand. His hand was so soft and warm. I didn’t want to let it go. „How tall are you?” He asked suddenly. „I’m 180 cm.” I replied drawing myself up. „I’ll be that tall soon.” He said confidently and somehow I knew he was going to reach my height. „I’m happy to......meet you again,....Youngmin hyung. Now we’ll be inseparable.” He faltered and his ears turned red. He really did as he said and stayed by my side. Now I’m sure he recognized me back than. It had to be hard to him to be next to me without I remembered him. He had to be lonely. All of sudden I hear as the door opens. „Hyung, what happened to you?!”...He stands before me. My lover can breathe, talk and smile again. He lives. I jump onto my feet, run to him then embrace him tightly. „Where are you?” I ask him. „I was in the convenience store.” He says. I meant where are you for such a long long time. „Are you crying, hyung?” He asks me suprisedly. „Now I am who asks you to stay still a little.” I tell him and hug him even tighter. He throws his bag down and the fruits that he bought roll on the floor. He puts his hands around my waist and cuddles up to me. I can sniff his familiar scent and feel the warmth of his body again. „You know I’ve waited for this moment for 79 years.” I sigh into his ear smiling. He needs a little time to understand what I said. „Is it worth to wait?” He asks joyfully as if he knew my answer. „Ahmmm” I nod burying my face in the curve of his neck. It feels so good being with him again.

 


	10. First time

          We’re lying on my bed after we hugged each other around half an hour and had a cheerful breakfast. I rest my head on my hand and enjoy watching my Youngsooya....Yes, he’s mine again. I can’t help smiling. I run over my fingers on his forehead, nose, lips, chin and Adam's apple. I love his side profile, too. He wears a white t-shirt and he looks like he’s sleeping. The last kiss, that I gave him, comes in my mind. I lean closer to him and kiss his forehead softly. It’s warm. I still can’t believe that he’s here with me again. It’s like a miracle.

         „You recognized me when we first met, didn’t you?” I ask him curiously. He breaks into a smile, but his eyes are still closed. „So you remember for that, too. But you forget....that we’ve already met at the theme park, when we were children.” A forgotten memory runs through my mind. „My name is Kim Dong Hyun.” I hear a child’s voice. „No way! You were that girl...” I look at him and I’m astonished. He gets out of my bed suddenly and runs away. I just blink. Coming back he shows me that alpaca keyholder that I gave to that little girl. „I like it more than the car, because it’s similar to you.” He says looking at it. „What do you think why did I gave you the Alpaca nickname?” He adds smiling at me. I stare at him open- mouthed. „But I don’t understand one thing....Why did you look like a girl?” I ask wonderingly. „It’s funny. When I was a child I used to wear girlish clothes a lot. When I was little, somehow I felt I should have been a girl. My parents let me do it because they thought I would grow out of this habit and it seems they were right. When I became older, I accepted that I’m a boy.” He explains excitedly. „You know what....It’s good that you wasn’t born as a girl. I love you as you are.” I tell him and he seems so happy. „Kim Donghyun, now tell me how long have you been in love with me?” I ask him pulling him onto my lap. He’ looking down at his alpaca toy......„Ever since I can remember.” He admits blushingly. I feel my cheeks also turn red. I try to get out of the awkward silence. „And did you remembered our past life?” I ask him running my finger down his arm gently. „Well...only you and some small things, but I started remembering the full story, when I got the locket with your photo. It was painful to remember. I think you also noticed I wasn’t well in those times.” He replies playing with my hand. „Why don’t you tell me then?” I ask gently. „I didn’t know how many things you remembered...or did you find out how dirty person I was....I was ashamed.” He admits. I touch his chin and make him look at me. „Look...You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re his victim.” I tell him whole-heartedly. „But I let...” He starts but I put my index finger on his lips. „You’re innocent. Your only sin is loving your sister too much.” I say decidedly. „Thank you!” He whispers and embraces me tightly.........„What do we do with Jaehwan?” I ask the most difficult question. „It seems he doesn’t remember anything. Despite I feel disgusted when he stares at my ass, but I think everyone deserves a second chance.” He says smiling. „And what if he remembered and wanted to do those things with you again?” I ask carefully. „You know then a headbutt right away or a well - aimed kick.” He says acting the scene happily. „I’m more stronger then you think.” He adds showing his biceps. „Okayyy...it’s enough punch king.” I tell him pushing him away playfully. He calms down. „I was in a very hard situation that time, but everything changed now he’s the one whom life depends on my decision.” He adds seriously. „If you have a problem, tell me or somebody you trust. Don't hold it all inside. Sometimes everyone needs help.” I tell him gently and he nods. „Then let it be as you want...but I’ll also watch him.” I say with clenched hands. „Awww....God Zero is here again.....Bbangmin!” He shouts laughing at me. „Look...look what you said....I’ve already told you not to play with fire.” I grab him and make him lie down. „Now tell me again!” I say looking down at him. He just stares into my eyes. „Oh...sorry...” I whisper and want to change our position, but he grabs my nape and pulls me closer to himself. „Hyung....If it’s you than it’s okay.” He sighs into my ear then he kisses me. He spreads his legs slowly. I’m touched. Finally after such a long time I feel he trusts me and gives me himself fully. He puts his arms around my neck and pulls me closer. Our dicks rub against each other through our trainer pants. Thanks to the thin material I can feel as he becomes harder and harder minute by minute. I also start turning on. Suddenly he grabs my bulge. „I see this little guy wants action.” He laughs. „Excuse me, but he isn’t little. Did you forget that he’s a monster?” I explain. „Okay...okay...just let that big guy get some fresh air.” He pats my butt joking with me. I jump on my feet and try to strip off as soon as possible, he does the same thing. „Ouch!” I cry out as I bump against the edge of my desk. Donghyun bursts out laughing, but he trips over his own pants and falls onto the floor. „Are you okay?!” I ask worriedly helping him stand up. He nods and his ear turn red so I know he’s embarrassed. „At least your butt is intact....” I say stroke his ass. „....for a little while.” I add smirking at him. He rolls his eyes. „Who said I’ll be the bottom again.” He tells me decidedly. „You have that little problem. You know...” I say cautiously. He look down and I follow his look. His dick looks hard already. He draws himself up trying to be taller than me. I also do the same and I glance at him proudly. That few centimeters difference are still there. „Let’s play rock - paper - scissors.” He tells me getting ready for the game. I’m sure I’ll lose. „I don’t want....If you do this, Minimini Youngmini will be sad.” I do aegyo for him pushing my body to him playfully then I grab his waist and make him lie down onto the bed. I start kissing his neck. „Okayyyy...I give up. I was born again as a bottom.” He says resignedly. I stop kissing him and look into his eyes deeply. I love him about eighty and a half years or maybe more because I was interested in him when I first met him. I want to be with him, no matter in what form. „I was kidding. If you want it, I’ll....” I start, but he mutes me with his sweet kiss. „I was also kidding....the truth is.....” He says shyly. „I love this big guy.” He grips my cock suddenly. His touch makes me shiver. „Well he also loves you.” I sigh and kiss him. „Hyu.ng...hy..ung...” He pats my chest gently. I stop and look questioningly at him. „I have to go to the bathroom.” He says. „Oh....okay...” I falter and let him go. When he reaches the door, he turns back. „I’ll come back soon....Just wait a little.” He says over his shoulder. When he leaves the room, I run to the desk and start looking for my only one condom that my elder brother gave me when he visited home after he spent some months overseas. He told me to use it if I give up my life without sex....Well here’s the time.....But where is it? „Ah....I found it.” I shout happily. I unwrap it. Let’s see how to use this....I try to put on. „Damn!”.....I broke it accidentally. All of sudden it comes to my mind that my father also gave me some when I moved away from home. He told me a condom had to be in a real man’s pocket. Well it seems I’m not a real man. Maybe he’s right. He always tells me I’m a little feminine, because I adjust my hair too much.

♡

           I searched everything, but I couldn’t find them. Now it looks like a burglary occured in my room. My stuffs and clothes are all over on the floor. I stand cluelessly and don’t know what to do. „Shit!” I let out my anger. „Heee..” I hear Donghyun’s laugh behind my back. I turn towards him and he starts laughing even more when he sees the broken condom on my dick. „No what will we do?” I ask him worriedly. He walks to me, that is to say, he jumps over my clothes, and puts his arms around my neck. „We don’t need it. Did you forget we never used such thing?” He whispers in my ears. „Yeah...back then we didn’t know AIDS and other illness. We just did it without thinking too much.” I say laughing ironically. „Then let’s do it like that again. Anyway my new body is still virgin and healthy.” He tells me proudly. „Thank goodness!” I whisper and hug him. I run my fingers down his naked back. There aren’t ugly scars anymore. „You’re even more beautiful like this.” I say and kiss his shoulder. „Hyung, why are you so nervous?” He asks me softly. „Well......after you.....I didn’t have sex. What if....”.....I won’t be enough good for you. „Are you still virgin?” He asks me suprisedly. I just nod and bury my face in the curve of his neck. He makes me look into his eyes cupping my face. „Hyung, I love you. It’s okay, if it won’t be good now. In this life we’ll learn how to do it together. But I’m sure my first time with you will be better than my last first time was with that pervert.” He tells me decidedly. „I’ll be gentle and erase all of your painful memories.” I promise to him. He pulls away from our hug then he holds out his hands to me. I grab it. He leads me to the bed and he sits down. I stand before him. He takes off that damned condom with a little laugh then he kisses the tip of my penis. He caresses it with his tongue gently then he takes the whole in his mouth. I can’t help moaning. Despite he does his best, I feel it’s really his first time doing such thing in this life because time to time his teeth graze my penis accidentally. I have to say he was a master of bowjob back then, but I love this new innocent Youngsooya more. He pauses to take a few deep breaths. His face and his ears turned red. He’s too cute. „It’s enough.” I order him. He seems surprised. I make him lean back. I kneel down and he pulls his legs to his chest to give me better look to his hole. It’s perfect. I just love every bit of him. I start licking him and he lets out a sigh of pleasure. I take my lube under my bed (Luckily I usually use a little to jerk off.) I apply it on my fingertips and slowly I push my finger to his warm asshole. I can’t wait to put my dick there. I want to taste every inch of him. I keep kissing and biting his inner thighs, balls and butt gently. „Does it hurt?” I ask him when I push inside my second finger. „No....just continue!...” He orders and I do as he requested. I fuck him with my fingers. He curls his toes and starts moaning louder and more often. His dick becomes red and his hole turns pink slowly. I feel he’ll be ready soon. I start rubbing my dick too to be more harder. „Hyung....it’s enough..” He sighs sexly. „Okay.” I peck him on the butt than pat it lightly. He places himself on the middle of my bed. I climb between his thighs and apply a little lube on my cock too. I lean forward and kiss him. Our now rock hard dicks rub against each other. His back arches. „Are you sure?” I ask him and he stares into my eyes. „I've never been so sure.” He replies and kisses me. I slide my penis inside his hot hole. „Hmmm...” He sighs, but he doesn’t stop kissing me. It’s so hard to wait for him to get used to my „big guy”......He pulls me closer with his legs giving me the sign that he’s ready. I start moving slowly. I feel like his tight hole will make me cum sooner than I wanted. I bury my face into his curve of his neck. Noooo.....I can’t hold it back....It seems my new body can’t bear as long as my last. I cum suddenly into him....Damn, what a burn....I can’t look into his eyes. I pull out my dick. „Hyung...it’s okay...” He pats my back and strokes my nape. „Are you ready for one more?” I ask him doubtingly. „Yep!” He shouts enthusiastically. „Let’s see that guy.” He says. We get up and he’s on all fours trying to revive my dick for a second round.

♡

             Some minutes later thanks to Donghyun’s lips, my „monster” is ready for action again. I kneel and slide into him gently. I hope I’ll hold it back more time now. I start moving and thrust deeper and deeper. Sudenly his back arches and he starts shaking. I think I found his prostate. Our moans and bodies make music that fills the room. I lean forward and kiss him passionately. All of sudden I feel wetness on my stomach. Finally I managed to make him cum. I pull out my cock and rub a little then I also cum on his belly. We both pant. I look down and he looks fucking hot covering with our cum. I lie next to him and take his hand. We interlock our fingers............He turns towards me and put his arm and leg around my body. „Thank you...my first time was....fantastic.” He whispers. „My first time too.” I tell him giving a peck on the top of his head........Something important comes to my mind. I get out of bed and take out our lockets of the box. He sits up. „I would like you to wear it again.” I put mine on his neck and his on my neck. He seems touched. „Sorry...I was desperate back then....I didn’t want to give it back.” He says looking down. „I know.....It symbolizes my never dying love for you so wear it again happily.” I tells him then embrace him tightly. „Yeah....where did you get my locket when you were a child?” I ask him suddenly. „Well it’s an odd story...When I was about three years old I met an old lady who was with her great - grandchildren in the park. When she looked at me she grabbed my hand and seemed so touched. She gave me that locket and told me she was so happy to see me again. I didn’t recognize her then. Now I know she was Daehwi, that is to say, Youngmi.” He explains smiling. „Now it came to my mind that once my mother told me when she was pregnant with me she met a lady in Singapore who was so nice to her and my mum loved her name Youngmi so she named me Youngmin. It seems Daehwi was everywhere. Maybe he’s really a medium.” I gabble rubbing my chin. „No, he isn’t....It’s our fate.” He says happily then he jumps into my arms. „Hyung....I want to make up for lost time, so we have a lot of things to do.” He tells me. His fingers playing on my chest like in the past. „What do you want to do?” I ask him curiously. „I still have to write my list....but first are you ready for one more?” He says grabbing my dick suddenly. „I’m always ready.” I whisper and push him on his back naughtily. I climb on him and kiss him passionately.


	11. Leave-takings and encounters

          Yesterday we stayed at the dorm and made love almost all day. We only left my room when we became hungry or we had to go to bathroom. We rediscovered each other’s bodies. At the end of the day I was able to hold back cumming more time. It was touching, pleasurable and funny.

        I’m still free today too. Rhymer told us to rest before our comeback, because we’ll be so busy. Counting from tomorrow we'll have practices every day, so I thought to visit my niece now. I didn’t see her about two weeks. She had to wait so much for me. Donghyun wanted to met Daehwi, but he was so many things to do so he had to cancel their meeting so DongDong decided to join me. Now we’re standing at the door waiting for her to open it......but she doesn’t come. I knock on the door again..........Nothing happens. „Don’t look for her....She died a week ago.” I hear an old lady’s voice behind my back. I feel a huge lump in my throat. It can’t be true. I’m always late. Donghyuna’s hand strokes my back. „Did you know her?” The lady asks me gently. „She was....she was...” What can I say?....„She was his aunt.” DongDong answers in my stead. „Oh...I didn’t know she had a sibling.” She says suprisedly. „They found each other not a long time ago.” He tells a lie. „Oh....I understand.” She smiles at us then unlocks the door. Danbi runs towards us happily. „Now I take care of her cat, but I don’t know what will happen with her if they sell the house. I’ve already had two dogs. I can’t adopt her.” She complains. „Poor thing.” I take her into my arms and start stroking her back. She purrs satisfiedly. I look at Donghyun. „Well I like dogs more, but this friend looks so cute.” He says stroking Danbi’s chin. „We’ll take care of her.” I tell the lady decidedly. „It’s a good news. It makes me happy.” She shouts happily. „Don’t you know who inherited the house?” I ask the lady curiously. „Something....Lim Young..Min.....if I remember his name well.” She says uncertainly. „I’m Lim Youngmin.” I introduce myself to her. „Oh...it’s great. Come in!” She goes into the house and we follow her. „She told me to give you this.” She says and takes out a letter from the drawer. „I think she felt she would die.” She adds. I start reading it.

20 July 2018, Seoul

Dear Sangook Oppa (Youngminie :),

Nowadays I don’t feel well. I think my time to move to heaven comes near. I want to wait for you, but I don’t know if it happens or not. If you read my letter than it means I couldn’t wait....Sorry...

I leave the house for you. It’s your home anyway. Thank you so much for bringing me up and let me live here. I know sometimes I was got on your nerves, but you was so patient with me. You always told me to get married and have children, but it was my decision to live alone, just like yours. But you have to know I never felt lonely. So please, don’t pity me! I had a fantastic life, full of experiences and happiness. Just remember when we skydived on your 50th Birthday. Remember me like that!

Anyway one day we’ll meet again. Please be patient with me then, too. Have a happy life with your most dearest friend, Sangook oppa! Despite you never told me, I knew everything :) Take care of him and love him so much. Live every second as if it was your last, because you never know when you have to separate again.

Be happy, Oppa!  
P.s.: Danbi needs new owners ;)

         Somehow her letter comforted me. I’m sure we’ll meet again. „Let’s go home!” I tell Donghyun and our new family member, Danbi, who is still in my arm. DongDongie takes my free hand and gives a peck on my cheek happily. The lady just blinks at us. I can read her mind that it’s her first time to see two boys holding hands and kissing. Well just get used to it!

♡

            Today it’s our Comeback Showcase. Finally we can met our fans again. I’m so excited. I hope everything will be okay. I wear contact lenses today. „You look so different, hyung.” I hear Donghyuna’s voice behind my back. „You, too.....You look even more handsome with your blonde hair.” I tell him looking at him in the mirror. I stand up and walk to him slowly. „You don’t know how much I want to...” I start loudly than I whisper into his ear: „...make love to you...” I smirk at him and he turns totally red. I just like teasing him. He’s so cute when he’s embarrased. „Don’t forget we aren’t alone.” He mutters under his breath. Yeah he’s right there’re staff members and dancers everywhere. Our manager is also there looking at us suspiciously. Nowadays he tries to keep his distance from us. He just does what a manager has to do and nothing more. I think he knows if we complain about him to Rhymer, he’ll kick him out. So we can say he’s our „dog” now. After all Donghyun was right as usual, everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe in this life he can become a good dog, that is to say, person. I think his son will help him change.

           Anyway I became the owner of my old house legally two days ago. After I stop being an idol, I’ll move there with Donghyun and Danbi. Yeah talking about Danbi...We have a big problem with her. She loves me too much so she always wants to be in my lap and Donghyun is jealous, because he also wants to be there. Nowadays DongDong and I sleep together again, but Danbi also wants to sleep with us. „Who do you love more me or her?” He asked me yesterday, when he noticed that Danbi lay next to me on his place. Anyway when I’m not there, they’re good friends. Danbi name means „welcome rain” and she really seems to like looking rain through window and Donghyun is also a „rain lover” so they have something in common. On rainy days they like sitting together staring outside. One day when I went home after workout, they were playing together like best buddies. They were so cute. I got food for both of them. „Are you hungry?” I asked and they rushed to me right away so I fed them. After dinner Donghyun was still hungry so we went to my room to eat something sweet, in other words we wanted to have sex, but our cute cat didn’t want to be alone so she followed us. At the end we had to lock her out of the room, but she kept meowing in front of the door for the whole time. So now our married life is in ruins.

          I can’t wait that Daehwi and Woojin also join us, then our family will be complete....and they can take care of Danbi so I can be together with Donghyun a little. By the way Woojin called me yesterday and he was so despaired. „Hyung, I think something is wrong with me. Nowadays I have strange visions about Daehwi where he’s a girl.” He whispered. Well it seems their story also started again. I’m afraid Woojin will go crazy if he gots to know that Daehwi was his wife and they had child or children. Unfortunately I never saw them again after we separated in Singapore. Based on Donghyun’s story Youngmi was in South Korea around 2001 and we know Daehwi was born on 29 January 2001 so she had to die in that year. She lived a long life. I hope they’ll fall in love with each other again just like Donghyun and I.

♡

          Our showcase is about to start. We wait for our time to go on the stage. I’m so nervous. Sometimes I feel I’m not able to do this job and I would rather be a carpenter again. But then I look at DongDongie and it come to my mind our talk about his dream.

          {On a night in 1939. I’m at Youngsoo’s room as usual at weekends. We just have had sex. I’m resting on his bed while he’s sitting in front of his desk and writing something. He only wears my loose, white shirt and his briefs. I put on my trousers. „I never asked what is your dream, Youngsooya.” I say and walk behind his back. I take my hands on his shoulders lightly. „Well...maybe you’ll think I’m crazy...but..” He tells me and grabs my hands. He leans his head back and looks up at me. „I want to be a singer like Yun Simdeok or Lee Nanyoung. I want people listen to my songs when they’re tired, sad or happy. When they’re in love or they need comfort. I want to be with them when they’re lonely and need someone to cheer them up. I want to be there in every home.” He explains excitedly and I just now realize what I would like to do. My dream is to be with him if he wants to be a singer then I’ll follow him. He stands up and takes his guitar. He sits down onto his bed and starts playing. „I write this song to you.” He says smiling at me. I sit down on the chair before him and listen to him. He starts singing.  
„Since some time ago, I started getting out of breath  
My heart starts to beat and I can’t control it  
My face turns red and when I see you, I freeze  
And I hate myself for not being able to talk to you again  
Since a certain time, you became my everything  
And in your smile that’s softer than warm milk,  
I keep wanting to see you and hold you  
I’m going crazy again today because of you.”♡  
(Yeah this song is older than you thought.)

His soft voice and his handsomeness put me under a spell. I like as the corner of his mouth turns up while he’s singing. He gives me a sweet serenade but I don’t know how to react. I’m embarrassed. I think he noticed it, because he starts laughing. „Okayyyy....it’s enough for today.” He says putting down his guitar. He stands up and walks to me. I embrace his waist and press my red cheek to his flat belly. I can’t look into his eyes. „It was beautiful.....Thank you...” I whisper and he starts stroking my hair and nape. „In my next life I wanted to arouse emotions in people with my songs. It was my only dream, but nowadays I have a new dream to live with you peacefully.” He says seriously. „Why do you keep talking about your next life?” I ask looking up at him. „Nobody lives forever.” He smiles at me. „You’re right, but you have a lot of time in this life to be anything you want to be and I’ll be next to you and help you.” I say decidedly. As the light surrounds him, he looks like an angel. I feel like I need to prevent him from flying away. I stand up and put my arms around his neck. „I need you. You can’t go anywhere.” I whisper into his ear hugging him tightly. He doesn’t embrace my waist as he usually does. He just stands......Suddenly I feel his warm tears on my shoulder. I hope in that next life you’re talking about I can be by your side again. If I have to, I’ll overcome my fear and go up to the stage with you.}

            „3...2...1” I hear the staff member counting down. I glance at DongDongie. He smiles at me encouragingly. The happiness in his eyes makes me glad. He must satisfied because both of his dreams came true, he became a singer and he’s with me.

       All of sudden the lights go out and everything darkens. We run up to the stage, stand in position then ”Checkmate” starts.

♡

         We start the talk segment. Finally I can see the faces of our fans. I try to look at everybody one by one. All of sudden I notice a familiar face in the middle of the crowd.....An about sixteen years old girl who wears cat ears and holds a Youngmin banner in her hands.....ChungAe, my little kitten is here too.....She seems healthy and happy. My tears of happiness fill my eyes. Donghyun was right. It’s our fate to meet again souls we belong together.  
Because:  
Love never dies.  
Love doesn’t know boundaries, gender or time.  
Love is just Love.

Reference:  
♡ MXM Kim Donghyun ~ Serenade  
Translation credit: @woojinprk


	12. Epilogue

          Finally I have time to pack stuffs in my old house. I notice YoungAe’s gold hairpin on the table in her room. I take it into my hands. Suddenly I see that bright light again.....Where am I? I look around. It seems like a hospital. On the wall I catch sight of paper. It says....2039.....What?!...It’s in the future. „Honey, look she has two little moles on her cheeks just like YoungAe.” I hear Donghyuna’s voice. I turn around and he’s there. He stands by a crib. Despite he seems older, he’s still so handsome. I go closer to him and I see a little baby girl in the bed. She really looks just like my niece. „Do you want to adopt her?” A woman asks gently. I nod. „Yes, she’s our daughter.” I say smiling at my DongDongie. He hugs me happily. The vision fades away and I’m in 2018 again. „I got your message YoungAe.” I’ll be a good father for you.

Happy End :)


End file.
